So I'm 26 now. 20 fucking 6. By any measure, my life is a solid 1/3rd the way over. 26 X 3 is 78. It's pretty insane really, I'm 26. I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm old... but I'm certainly not young, and to be honest, I don't know how I feel about it. I'm not really sure why I pussed out on the title up there, but I did it, so I'm going to leave it. Fuck it, dog. I was sitting around the other night thinking about whether the word to best describe my ex girlfriend starts with an S, a C or a W. At any rate, this post is long overdue (I believe it was initially promised several months ago), and so, in honor of it being 2010, and me being at square one, here goes nothing.
The Criteria: This list is simple and straight-forward. I'm going to list the 10 movies that are my fucking favorites. Their quality may be dubious in the case of some, and indisputable in the case of others. In some cases, there is overlap with the top 100, in others, no. I can quote the shit out of every single one of these badboys, come along for the ride.
Honorable Mentions:
Bio-Dome
Tropic Thunder
Miami Vice
Tombstone
Pulp Fiction
Swingers
Chopper
Grandma's Boy
10 PCU
Dated? No doubt. But college comedies don't get much better. Who doesn't want to party at the pit? This little comedic gem manages to skewer PC culture, the establishment, and college in general all while packing enough funnies to make the President Andrea Garcia herself crack a smile. The greatest mystery surrounding this one is simply - why the hell does Jeremy Piven look older in 1994 than he does today? This confuses me. Also, how in the hell did Jon Favreau lose 200 lbs in between this and '96's Swingers? I'm sure the answer doesn't rhyme with "poke".
9. Zoolander
Let me get this out of the way - this movie is stupid. Very, very exceedingly and profoundly stupid. However, it manages to rise above the completely idiotic premise (a brainless male model becomes an assassin) to be utterly hilarious, eminently watchable, and unbelievably quotable. Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller have never been better... and Will Ferrell is awesome as the flamingly diabolical Jocabim Mugatu. This film got me through hundreds of drunken nights in college, and I quote Zoolander at least 5X a week. (current fave: "Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude") Packed with cameos, nonsensical hilarity, and idiotic actions that manage to tread into hilarious territory, Zoolander is 89 minutes of funny ass nonsense... and I love it for that.
8. Any Given Sunday
If not necessarily the best football movie ever (it's certainly close), it's definitely the most visceral, and probably is the best portrayal of contemporary athletes and the interaction between owner, coach and player in modern sports. If you've ever wondered how a young black player and old white coach can get along, check the relationship between Tony Amato and Willie Beaman. Oliver Stone can certainly be controversial as a filmmaker, but this one is a damn good time start to finish. It's unfortunate that the NFL has no balls and thus refused to license this film, forcing Oliver Stone to use a fictional league. This one is a hell of a good time, featuring some outstanding performances, come for Al Pacino and Jamie Foxx, stay for LT and Jim Brown. Terrell Owens plays Terrell Owens, Dennis Quaid is great as the aging Marino-esque former star, and check out John C. McGinley as basically Jim Rome and Aaron Eckhart as hotshot new-fangled offensive co-ordinator Nick Crosure. Oh, and Willie Beaman keeps the ladies creamin'.
7 The Rock
Say what you want about Michael Bay, but the son of a bitch has made more good (or at least "fun") movies than bad ones (Good: Bad Boys, The Rock, Bad Boys II, The Island, Transformers I. Bad: Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, Transformers II). Now, I know that I've ranted in this very space about my Nic Cage hatred. This is the rare film where his whole shtick works.. he's not playing a tough guy or badass, he's playing a quirky dipshit. Sounds about right. What makes this film is the cast... Sean Connery in his last truly awesome role. (Fuck off Entrapment and League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) Ed Harris playing a badass sympathetic bad guy. William Forsythe, Michael Biehn, David Morse and John C. McGinley are all awesome character actors. The mid to late 90's (see: pre-Matrix) were the high point of the classic action film (i.e., relied on actors and sets rather than effects) and they don't get a whole hell of a lot more fun than "The Rock".
6 Equilibrium
Young Christian Bale was really one of the best actors in Hollywood. I still feel he's got great roles in him, he just needs to take a step back and stop being such a one-trick pony. He adds a much-needed gravitas to this film, which otherwise could descend into silliness. It's in the eyes. You see his transformation. Dystopian fiction is one of my favorite genres. Brave New World, 1984, Farenheit 451 are all favorites of mine. This film is in the best tradition of these famed books - and it's really a lot of fun. The Matrix - only cooler and with a likable lead. Do yourself a favor and Netflix this one... it'll be worth it.
5 Platoon
This film isn't particularly pleasant to watch, or all that fun, but it is simply amazing, and captures a time, place, era and group of people better than pretty much any other work on the subject. I blame my love for this on on the summer of 2004. Just getting really drunk on Busch and staying up until 7 or 8 AM, starting Platoon at 5 or so. When you watch a film hundreds of times, you notice things about it... one of those things about Platoon is the interactions between the soldiers... perfect. Truly perfect. The relationships that develop show us on screen why so much of our modern experience in fiction delves from the friendships of men under fire and great duress. When someone is at the end of their rope, only then do they reveal who they really are. Oliver Stone captures this without really meaning to, and there's something uniquely American and masculine about what emerges. This film speaks to my soul. Plus - Adagio for Strings is simply devastating.
4 The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Something about the sad, loony old bastard that is Steve Zissou speaks to me. Wes Anderson's humor is never more absurd or amazing than it is in this little masterpiece. I feel like if I was to make a movie, it would probably be a lot like this, only a little less surreal. Steve Zissou is basically a bastard, but he's an extremely likable bastard, and the quirky cast of characters he's surrounded by (plus acoustic Portugese David Bowie (!)) just feels a lot like home to me. I want to live on the Belafonte.
3 Varsity Blues
I believe this was the first ever "MTV film", and damn it if it isn't the best. They should have just shut down the studio after this one came out. Stupid? Absolutely. But it's also a hell of a little football movie, with some incredibly lovable characters. It's impossible to not love to hate Bud (Jon Voight) Kilmer. 90's icon James Van Der Beek has never been better... and never will be. It's fun. It's high school. It's football. I can quote this one front to back, no sweat. What else do you need to know? Do the accents suck? Absolutely. Is it simplistic and overly straight-forward? No doubt. But the one thing it needs to be, and is, is a hell of a good time.
2 Gangs of New York
Daniel Day Lewis is a damn madman. That's really all there is to it. What's this movie really about? Is it about revenge? Family? Love? Who we are and where we came from? Sure, it's about all of those things... but what it's really about is Martin Scorsese in the 19th century, an age immensely more cruel and brutal than our own. When our modern day crime master is transplanted to this barbarous age, only magic can emerge. This film is absolutely flawed - but Daniel Day Lewis is impossible to take your eyes off of.. he's absolutely magnetic. Spending a few hours with him, it's possible to to see the charm of charismatic yet terrible men throughout history. Is he evil? Without question. But he also imposes a sort of order on his world, through force of will alone, and he certainly takes care of those close to him.
1 The Departed
Unbelievable cast. Great story, great quotes, tense moments, funny, disturbing, terrifying. Leo has never been better, ditto Damon and Wahlberg. Jack plays one hell of a deranged mafioso. One could argue Scorsese hasn't either. That's something to say. What more can I say? Prior to Avatar's release, this was the record holder for most times seen in the theater... and few films keep me as riveted to the screen as this little beauty. The fact that it won best picture leaves me with some hope for mankind. Count me among those eagerly awaiting Shutter Island and more than a little pissed that they delayed it since February..
There you have it.
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