Is Tim Tebow the Antichrist?

Now if you haven't been living on planet earth for the past few months, you may be wondering what all the hoopla about Tim Tebow is all about. Well, Mr. Tebow is a young, handsome, charismatic quarterback for the Denver Broncos of the National Football League, and has become at once the most popular and most divisive athlete, nay, personality, in America over the past 6 months. Even as a third-teamer in the preseason his travails got more coverage than legitimate football news, and since he took the starting job? Holy shit.. Tebowmania has swept the nation. If he's good, he's the best ever. If he's bad, he's the worst ever.. you simply cannot exist on this earthly plane and be "meh" on Tim Tebow. While at Florida, Tebow won two National titles and a Heisman trophy, and was pretty much the most dominant player in the nation for three whole seasons. But that's all about football - plenty of people are good at football, what makes Tebow such a sensation is his very public, very evangelical brand of Christianity. Tebow simply will not let you forget that he is, in fact, a Christian, and a dedicated one at that. In fact, pseudo-religious "news" about Tebow is reported in INTERNATIONAL sources. Tim Tebow and his religiosity are simply inescapable. While at Florida, Tebow famously and publicly performed mission trips in the Philippines with his father's church, going so far as to help doctors perform circumcisions on impoverished Filipino children. Reporters, coaches, teammates, fans, announcers and public officials effuse on the quality of this young man as his confessed humility, hard work and quality of character win supporters across the country and beyond. It is not uncommon to see parallels drawn between Tebow and Jesus himself. While a large segment of the population seems to have concluded that Tebow lies somewhere between Hercules, David, Elijah and Christ himself on the scale between god and man, what most seem to agree on is that there's more to this particular quarterback than meets the eye. What I haven't seen anyone actually consider is the potentiality that rather than a minor prophet or potential incarnation of Christ himself, Tebow is rather something much more nefarious, a usurper, imposter, or even the antichrist himself. Let's discuss.

Most biblical scholars believe that the biblical books of Revelations and Daniel, from which the vast majority of our textual support for the antichrist derive, are shrouded in metaphor and symbolism, and refer to signs and "beasts" not as literal beasts, but rather as abstract representations of future events. In addition, it's important to remember that in the Christian tradition, the antichrist is not a demonic figure like traditional depictions of Satan or other devils. Rather, he's a charismatic figure who will convince mankind that he is the true Christ prior to Christ's return. Here's what we do know about the antichrist, and how it relates to Tim Tebow.


• First, the antichrist will be associated with the number 666. Whether this is a marking directly on his body or whether its his abstract "mark" is less certain. Consider this. Tim Tebow has worn the jersey number 15 in high school, college and now the pros. 1+5 = 6. 15 in HS, 15 in College, 15 in the Pros. Lay all three jerseys next to each other and what do you get? Three 6's. [Rev 13]


• The antichrist is "gifted with a mouth that can speak great and convincing things". Tebow is renowned for his impact on all he meets. Listen to Verne Lunquist pontificate on his quality of character sometime, or witness snake oil salesperson Urban Meyer break down like a schoolgirl when speaking on the impact Tebow has had on his family and himself to see that Tebow is certainly blessed (or cursed?) with this particular quality. In addition, let's not forget his mission trips to the Philippines. The Philippines are a CHRISTIAN (Catholic) nation.. so Tebow is preaching to and converting already baptized Christians. If that's not dangerously close to treading on God I don't know what is. [Rev 13]


• The antichrist performs "Great wonders" and "miracles" - as seen by Tebow's being a "miracle baby" as attested to by his mother, and his 5 come from behind victories this season, often in improbable and downright miraculous fashion. Indeed, the postgame fireworks following his improbable playoff victory vs. 12-4 Pittsburgh formed a halo in the sky above the stadium. [Rev 13]


• The antichrist will have a "powerful look - more stout than his fellows" and "fierce countenance". Check out that shirtless picture above or one of his runs to get an idea of his physicality, and this video should give you an idea of the fierceness of his countenance. [Dan 7]


• The antichrist will be "worshipped by many people" - Look no farther than this picture and this video to see Tebow's impact on people. See also: NFL.com posting pictures of what Tebow and X's (including: Oprah Winfrey, Michelle Bachmann, and other notables) baby would look like. Yes, NFL.com did this. Seriously. [Rev 13]


• The antichrist will "survive a deadly wound" - Tebow famously was a product of a difficult pregnancy as a so-called "miracle baby" (seriously) -
oh, and there's this hit:
[Rev 13]


• The antichrist will "show no regard for the desire of women" - Tebow is famously (or claims to be) a virgin, despite having been a star football player his entire life and despite the undoubtedly constant propositions of nubile young women from Florida to Denver. [Dan 11]


• Finally, the antichrist will arrive on a white, or more appropriately, pale horse. I've included the logo of the Denver Broncos for convenience's sake. [Rev 6]










Now, I'm not saying that Tim Tebow most definitely IS the antichrist, I'm just saying that: 1.) The History Channel has made entire specials using significantly less evidence than I just displayed, and 2.) Is it so crazy that a nearly maniacally religious home schooled kid from Florida may not be all that he seems? Is it? I think these are questions worth asking. Consider me now terrified that the antichrist is indeed among us, and Skip Bayless and Verne Lundquist lead us readily to our doom. Elway, always the stalwart defender of all that is right and good, tried to hold out as long as humanly possible, but was unable to resist the rising tide of the black covenant streaming from Bristol, CT. Guard yourselves against the coming doom..