The 2000's: The Final Five

Final Five Theme: (you should play this while reading the post - or not)

Hello all, I hope everyone had a great holiday. On a personal note, I now reside in Cincinnati once again, and am hoping 2010 kicks the shit out of 2009. That, however, is another post for another day. So here we are, at the end of things. On the final day of the decade, I bring you the last list you'll need for the decade. (?)

First, let's recap the list thus far and give some honorary mention awards out:
25. V for Vendetta
24. The Wrestler
23. Kill Bill Vol. 2
22. Collateral
21. Pan's Labyrinth
20. In Bruges
19. The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou
18. Mystic River
17. Munich
16. Gangs of New York
15. Minority Report
14. Gladiator
13. The Prestige
12. The Pianist
11.(a). There Will Be Blood
11.(b). Slumdog Millionaire
10. Requiem for a Dream
9. The Hurt Locker
8. No Country for Old Men
7. Memento
6. Road to Perdition

Honorable mentions: (just missed the cut - in no particular order)
• The Dark Knight (2008) - A great film from one of the greatest directors working today. Despite the strong performances (particularly the late Heath Ledger), I don't feel the film is as strong as Nolan's other Batman film and has a bit too many plot holes to propel it to true greatness.

• Batman Begins (2004) - One of the greatest comic book films of all time. The first half of this film, where Bruce Wayne learns the skills that will enable him to become Batman, is one of the great sequences of the decade. This one JUST missed the cut.

• 40 Year Old Virgin (2005) - If I had to pick an Apatow (who re-invented comedy in the decade) film, this would be it. Just not strong enough to achieve elite status.

• Infernal Affairs (2002) - The Hong Kong crime classic that gave us the Departed. It really is a great film, more tense than the American update/edition, but without the heavy hitters both in front of and behind the camera. One of the great scripts/stories of the decade, that gave us two great films.

• Wall-E (2008) - this was probably #26, truly. I was skeptical of this one, to say the least, not watching it until it was released on DVD, but it's a truly wonderful film. Who would have thought that a love story between two small robots could bring me to tears?

• The Royal Tenenbaums (2001) - My 2nd favorite Wes Anderson film. I just like the Life Aquatic better, and find Ben Stiller to be obnoxious. Gene Hackman is amazing. No one else could have pulled off an ornery bastard like Royal Tenenbaum and kept him likable.

• The Motorcycle Diaries (2004) - a truly beautiful film, just not strong enough to make the final cut. Gael Garcia Bernal is a true talent, and I'm excited to see him grow as an actor.

• The Bourne Ultimatum (2007) - The Bourne series was one of the best series of the decade, and this is the best of the three, and one of the great action films of all time.

• Sin City (2005) - A great adaptation of an ultra-violent, ultra-stylized classic graphic novel work. This one just missed the cut.

• The Constant Gardener (2005) - A beautiful love story and yet an expose on the way things are done in certain parts of the world. I tried long and hard to put this one in the list.. but I just couldn't make it fit. I wanted to though.

• Snatch (2000) - Guy Ritchie's best work of the decade, and the moment when I first stopped to think - "shit, what if Brad Pitt actually is a good actor?"

• Inglorious Basterds (2009) - Maybe, in a few years when I revisit this list, this one will make the cut. I honestly just haven't watched it enough. One of Tarantino's best.

• The Last King of Scotland (2006) - Forrest Whittacker gives one of the great performances of the decade in a terrifying film that puts a human face on one of the most infamous despots of the past 40 years.



Now, with no further ado, let's close this one out already.

5 The Departed (2006)
I've probably watched this film 100 times, I've read the script, I quote it incessantly, and I still can't get enough. Probably the 3rd best film I've ever seen in the theater, and I saw it three times. Marty Scorsese is at the top of his formidable game in this one. Released on my birthday (thank you Marty), and a true hard-boiled pleasure. It's funny, it's tense, it's disturbing, it's violent in parts, it's (dare I say?) perfect. Leo gives the performance of his career as a kid from the rough part of Boston with mob connections who is placed undercover with local crime boss Frank Costello. Nicholson is a mad man in this one, and he's lovably loath-able as said crime boss. The cast is unbelievable, every shot is terrific, and this is one you just don't want to end. I've started it over as soon as it's ended before. Despite it's 2 1/2 hour runtime, it feels like it's 45 minutes long. It's the small things you notice when you've got a legendary director and an outstanding cast all at the top of their games. The dialogue is perfect. The music, lighting, and camera angles are perfect. Every character has depth and nuance, little quirks that make them more than just stereotypical cops and bad guys. More than deserving of all the Oscar glory showered upon it, this is a film that has more than earned its place in the pantheon of great crime films. In 25 years, this will be one that is still talked about and loved, like the Godfather is today.



4 The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Truly, all three films of the series belong in the top 25, and would all be top 15, so I thought it'd be less boring to jerk them all off collectively and save my praise for the series for just one installment. To say that the Lord of the Rings series was "great" is quite the understatement. They took one of the most involved and beloved book series of all time, and completely adapted these works to celluloid, making needed adjustments and improvements along the way. The final film is probably the strongest, with the most amazing battle sequence ever put on film. Unbelievably epic, the body count is through the roof, and all the characters get their proper farewells. This series was made by someone with a slavish devotion and passion for the source material in Peter Jackson, someone who brought a whole new generation of fans to Tolkien's beloved epic literary works. Every shot is beautiful, and Jackson transforms New Zealand's plains, mountains and rocky outcrops into Tolkien's middle earth. The heart of these films, and this one in particular, rests in a handful of performances however, particularly the amazing Sir Ian McKlellan as Gandolf and Viggo Mortensen as Aragorn. My only complaint about the third installment is the denouement goes on just a LITTLE too long. I understand the need to pay homage to the books and send out a 12 hour film series properly, but after the action-packed battle sequences and scene in mount doom, it all just feels needlessly long. That being said, this film, and the series, deserves all the accolades heaped upon it, and it remains a testament to what film can be. Easily the greatest film trilogy of all time, and something that will go down with Star Wars and Indiana Jones as something all kids grow up watching. Thanks, Peter, for not cutting corners and doing these films right.




3 Children of Men (2006)

Sometimes fiction can say more about us than truth ever could. The best fiction does this, whether it's a Doestoevsky novel, a Shakespeare play, or this masterpiece by Alfonso Cuarón. The best sci-fi manages to say so much about who and where we are, and as the high ranking attests, this is some of the best sci-fi there is. This film dares to ask the question - what if, humanity, as a whole, stopped having children? And depicts the believable, and at times devastating effects this simple fact of demographics would have upon a future UK. Despite this huge, macro event that's shaping humanity, the film wisely puts a very human face on this event - Clive Owen is inspired in this one. As the reluctant hero who will ultimately do what's right. Michael Caine has never been better. Julianne Moore is great. But this film offers so much more than stellar, grounded, human performances. It offers a picture of what is bleak and opportunistic in people, and yet what is redeeming and worth saving. There are truly breathtaking shots in this one - including the whole sequence around that photograph - it honestly brings tears to my eyes. Artful cinematography and direction makes this film at once beautiful and disturbing. Utterly believable, disturbing and beautiful. I know that seems like an odd combination - but it works, in spades. This is one that grows with every viewing - and you notice little details every time. Truly timeless, and if I revisted this list again in another decade, it might just take the top spot.



2 Avatar (2009)

Undoubtedly one of the most important films ever made, and maybe, just maybe, the film that saves movies, James Cameron's first feature-length film since Titanic (which won a few Oscars and did pretty well at the Box-office) is one of the most beautiful, painstakingly-done films I've ever seen. Rare is the film that causes one to lose his or her postmodern cynicism and pessimism and just enjoy a film with childlike wonder and abandon. This film truly is a cinematic event on the level of Star Wars or Jurassic Park. Yes, the plot may seem simplistic on the surface, being part Dances With Wolves, part Pocahontas, part Last of the Mohicans, part Last Samurai (it actually MOST reminds of the Last Samurai), part Braveheart, part Aliens, part Star Trek, but once you're in the film, you'll appreciate that synthesis of diverse and varying influences becomes an original story. Particularly when it's so artfully done. In a day and age when every film of any discernible budget is either a sequel, a remake, or an adaption of some work in comic books, "tween" books, only someone like James Cameron, whose writing and directing chops are unquestioned in Hollywood, could create an achievement like this from scrap. There hasn't been a wholly fictional universe like this created from scratch since Star Wars. Wrap your mind around that. It truly is undeniably beautiful in 3D and/or IMAX. It's like a nature documentary at times, of a "nature" that does not exist. The fictional moon of Pandora's landscapes are more beautiful than any rain forest I've ever seen on earth. This is a film about love. About love between peoples, between individuals, between nature and people, and between who a person is and what a person does. The meaninglessness of our society is a common theme in media, and it has an undeniable ring of truth to it. What do we live and labor for? For money? So we can one day use this money to buy things for ourselves and our posterity? Who gives a shit? There's no denying that simpler ways of life where meaning is defined by what you do and who you are have a certain appeal. If you would have told me I'd be touched by a love story between two 10 foot blue aliens with fangs, cat eyes and tails, I'd have called you batshit crazy, but the love story truly is beautiful, and as good (better - by being more believable) as anything in the romantic comedy genre. Cameron wrote the script to Avatar while he was making Titanic, and said that would be his next film, but he wouldn't make it until the technology existed to make it properly. So he spent the next decade inventing cameras and techniques to bring his vision to life, and boy did it pay off. I've seen it 5 times in the theaters, and it doesn't get any worse on repeat viewings. I've never encountered a film more conducive to repeat viewings - the film is so dense and so detailed, that you'll miss a lot the first time through. Hell, I can barely quote it, and I've seen it 5 times. Yes, movies are expensive, and yes, 3D/IMAX movies are MORE expensive, but if there's ever been a film worth the price of admission, it's this one. I feel like I should write Cameron a thank you letter for creating a truly timeless piece of art. Do yourself a favor, see it in 3D, the way it was meant to be seen. So many people complain about how the FX look cheesy, yes, they do look cheesy on your standard def 2D TV. See the thing how it was meant to be seen, on the big screen, in 3D, and prepare to be blown away by the undeniable beauty of what you're seeing. This isn't just great for the decade, it's great for all time, and will proudly take its place among the great pieces of cinema.



1 City of God (2002)

There are movies, there are films, and then there is art. This is certainly the latter. A work of art that can proudly show itself off against art in any other medium. If someone wanted to know what is best about film - they should take this as example one. I love films that show a common humanity - despite where we may be, what language we speak, and what we do for fun. Assembled as a series of vignettes each involving figures in the "City of God", Rio's roughest slum, it feels more like a TV miniseries than a film. And this just speaks to the strength of the talent involved, the cast, the director, the writers. It feels like "the wire" and what's best about Guy Ritchie and Quentin Tarantino, creating something that feels so visceral and authentic, and yet stylized and cool. A handful of young boys who grew up on Rio's tough streets wind up intertwined in a massive gang war in Rio's criminal underworld, and take different paths as they move from children to adulthood. It's not romanticized or rosy, it's authentic and true. Like much of the best media and commentary, it shows without preaching. Displays without offering editorial remarks and suggested problems and solutions. This is the way things are, deal with it. This is one of the best films of all time, in any language. If you haven't seen it - do so, immediately, and prepare to have your world be all the better for it.




Happy new year all, I hope you enjoyed the list.

The 2000's: 11-6

Merry Christmas all, I hope everyone has a great holiday.

I know, I know, we already had a number 11, but there's been a recent, eh, development that needless to say, shook up the decade's top 10. That being said, I'm just going to double up on #11 and readjust my top 10 accordingly. Here goes nothing...


11 Slumdog Millionaire (2008)

One of the true pleasant surprises in film that I can recall. I'm not going to lie - I was once a Slumdog hater - I didn't see it in theaters and didn't watch it on DVD until after it won best picture. This is your classic - "don't judge a book by its cover scenario" - I looked at the film on paper - cast of unknowns, rag-to-riches story, uplifting, and thought - there is no way in hell this is 1/10th as good as everyone says. Boy was I wrong. This is one of those eminently watchable films - one that manages to be social commentary, a tale of two brothers, a great love story, a coming of age tale and a mystery all at the same time. Take an almost stock story - the persevering hero with a heart of gold who never loses belief - and set it in India during that country's rise to economic power - and you've got the root of this moving film. Despite its sometime heartbreaking material, the film never loses its sense of fun and ultimately optimistic outlook. Unknown newcomer Dev Patel is beyond great as your classic "good guy" Jamal Malik - who despite a lifetime full of trials and tribulations remains an honest, hardworking, sweet kid. Who can't root for Jamal in his quest to regain his childhood sweetheart? Non-linear storytelling allows the film to unravel present and past in an exploration of Jamal's past and Indian society. This film is full of great shots, great performances and great moments. At once a celebration of Mumbai and the Indian people and commentary at the often unimaginable (to Americans) conditions the poor residents endure, this film accomplishes so much within the frame of a surprisingly tight and fast-paced story. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gasp - but I promise you'll have a rewarding experience.



10 Requiem for a Dream (2000)

The ravages of drug abuse and addiction are laid plain in this one. Devastating - truly devastating. I've long said they should show this one to high school students.. it's a better anti-drug campaign than anything else schools could possibly do. One of the most gifted filmmakers working today - Darren Aronofsky, drops some serious shit on us with this one. Great performances all around - particularly Ellen Burstyn, who is heartbreaking as a sad, lonely older woman whose life spirals out of control after she becomes addicted to diet pills. Hopes, dreams, even talent, are meaningless when confronted with the beast that is addiction and the havoc that the pursuit of your next high can wreck on your relationships, career and ambitions. Sure, not everyone with an addiction winds up hitting the kind of rock bottom that the four primary characters in this one find themselves careening towards - but there aren't a whole lot of happy endings out there. But no mistake - this is art - sad, crushing art, yes, but this is a beautifully made film - with some amazing sequences. We witness the slow descent to bottom as each character makes bad choice after bad choice, destroying their lives in the process. All four of the leads are solid - likable even - which makes their unraveling all the more upsetting. This one stays with you long after the credits roll.. and while it can be hard to watch - it's impossible to avoid Aronofsky's brilliance and that the film has something to say.




9 The Hurt Locker (2009)

The opening quote and tagline says it all - "war is a drug" - and here we have three primary characters who deal with this most deadly of drugs in varying ways. Tense from the opening scene - this is a truly great depiction of war on screen. I'm on record calling it the best war movie since "Platoon", and considering Platoon won best picture - this is no small praise. Unlike so many (lesser) war films, this one leaves the sermon and soapbox at home, electing to show rather than tell. Starring a bunch of unknowns ("perfect" is inadequate praise for Jeremy Renner's performance in this one) as an elite bomb disposal squad tasked with de-fusing bombs, IEDs, and other nasty things during the bad old days of the Iraq war, this film makes you feel as though you're there... granting you a glimpse into the minds of men tasked with doing the government's dirty work. This isn't about men complaining, spouting the opinions of the writers and directors, it's about men who are very, very good at what they do, and we witness the inevitable horrors of war through their eyes. I find it fascinating that the two biggest names in this film, Ralph Fiennes and Guy Pearce, are in the film for no more than 15 minutes. There's a reason why war has spawned much of the best media in western culture, and its that life and death situations give you a clear window into man's soul. When all pretense vanishes, we see who we really are.. and that can be a scary thing. By declining to pass judgment on the what and why and instead focusing on the human side of conflict, the film keeps its credibility and manages to say so much more than some partisan critique ever could. There was a period of about 4 months when I thought this was a shoo-in for best picture - and it will definitely be nominated. Great direction by Ms. Kathryn Bigelow (Point Break) - in this tense, funny, action-packed and yet ultra-realistic depiction of the way things are. Expect to see a lot of this one come Oscar time.



8 No Country for Old Men (2007)

The Coen Brothers' masterpiece gives us a great story (adapted from a Cormac McCarthy novel) of a nobody, Llewellyn Moss (Josh Brolin - in a star-making performance) who stumbles upon the remnants of a drug deal gone bad - and attempts to make off with $2 million he finds in a briefcase. In the summer of 1980, in west Texas, the tagline says it all: "there are no clean getaways" - as Moss finds himself hunted by one of film's great villains - the unstoppable killing machine known as Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem, in a deserving Oscar-winning role). This is the Coen brothers at their best. A tight story with great characters, with gorgeous cinematography, solid dialogue, and a sense of inevitability to it all. Any one of these things is worth watching this film for - combined? They create a classic. People focus on the end and how it doesn't make any sense. Does it really not make any sense? Why do film audiences demand that everything is laid bare? Why can films get away with so very little compared to say... literature? Does it really need a bow tied on it? Maybe the end doesn't mean anything - maybe it means everything. What I think it means is that there are no happy endings - that sometimes, the bad guy wins, and that bad things happen to regular people for sometimes no reason at all. After all - it is no country for old men.



7 Memento (2000)






Every now and again there comes around a film that is so truly groundbreaking that it takes multiple viewings to get your mind around it. The Nolan brothers arrive on the Hollywood scene in a serious way - and from the get-go, it is clear that we are dealing with a major talent, who will no doubt (barring tragedy) have a lot to add to the film canon over the next several decades. It is amazing that given the films Chris Nolan has made since Memento (the Dark Knight, Batman Begins, the Prestige), this remains undoubtedly his best. Incredibly original storytelling makes a mundane plot (man seeks revenge for wrong) seem like nothing you've never seen before. A man, Leonard, lost his short term memory and ability to form new memories in a horrific attack in which his wife was raped and murdered. This makes his quest for revenge... difficult, to say the least. Leonard relies on companions who he may or may not be able to trust, notes to himself and a plethora of tattoos covering his body. The film is told in reverse, allowing a masterful filmmaker to unravel the mystery through Leonard's eyes... all confusion and uncertainty. The underrated Guy Pearce (who doesn't work nearly enough) is terrific in demonstrating Leonard's simultaneous determination and (often) bewilderment. You won't know up from down from left from right - until the shocking reveal. We're dealing with a talented storyteller here folks. If you haven't seen this one yet - I suggest you check it ASAP - you won't regret it.



6 Road to Perdition (2002)

Although on the surface a tale of revenge by a mafia soldier who was wronged by those who trusted - this one becomes so much more, including one of the more touching portrayals of father and son on celluloid. To say Sam Mendes is a talented is akin to saying Red Robin makes a good burger. That is to say, woefully inadequate. Look at the shot depicted in the above picture. Just beautiful. So crisp, so artfully done. Tom Hanks is terrific as muscle Michael Sullivan. A loving father and husband, a man of few words, who also happens to be a cold-blooded killer. Tom Hanks, Paul Newman (in his last role), Daniel Craig, Jude Law and one of the best character actors working today: Ciarán Hinds are all great in Mendes' follow up to one of the 90's best: American beauty. Sullivan and son go on a Dillinger-esque crime spree mission of revenge after he is betrayed by his former employer, eluding hitmen and vengeance on a trip through the midwest. For some reason, I'm entranced by bad men, who are fully aware of their inherent badness, yet still live by a code. This one gets the waterworks going every time, and I've watched it probably 100 times. There's something to be said for that. Best line: people ask me if Michael Sullivan was a good man, I tell them: he was my father.

James Cameron

In honor of Avatar - James Cameron's first feature length non-documentary since Titanic, I'm going to rank, review, and discuss his 6 films. (I'm not counting his debut "Piranha II: the spawning", because he didn't write it, while he did write the 6 films I'll be counting down) Cameron's films are distinctive for two things - technical merit of the highest kind, and a strong sentimental streak. Even in an action movie like Terminator 2 or Aliens, the relationship between John Connor and the robot sent to protect him, and Ripley and Newt, is at the heart of the story. No director working today has done more for the Sci Fi genre than James Cameron, and only George Lucas is even in the neighborhood of having the same impact on special effects and the technical side of filmmaking. Terminator 2 was at least 10 years ahead of the curve in terms of effects - the morphing liquid metal T-1000? In 1991? That is unbelievable. Titanic completely changed the way films were made technically. They built a huge external facade of the ship in a 17 million gallon tank, where they filmed the crash sequence and seamlessly integrated those shots in with CGI shots of the ship sinking. This was in 1996 mind you, and the CGI looks worlds better than 90% of the shit that's come since.

First, to address some of the negativity I've heard concerning Avatar and its plot and general appearance. Sure, the outline may seem to be similar to Dances With Wolves or Ferngully or any number of similar films, but ask yourself, are these original plots? It's an epic film set in space - plot originality is not the key draw, and such films tend to draw on archetypes (see: Star Wars). In addition - don't judge a film intended to be viewed in 3D based on 2 minutes that you've seen on your non-HD TV screen. In August, I saw 15 minutes of Avatar footage at a special showing - and let me tell you, it looks like no film I've ever seen. It's one thing to see a 2D trailer of 3D footage, it's another to actually see it. Let's just say that as big a leap forward that T2 was in 1991, this one is even bigger. CGI filmmaking will never be the same, and I'll wager that it will be at least 5 years before we see anything that even comes close to matching this film's technical merit. Cameron wrote the script to "Avatar" in 1995, while he was working on Titanic, and left it on the shelf until the technology existed to make the film consistent with his vision for it. He didn't make a feature-length motion picture in the interim, only a documentary. He invented half of the equipment and techniques used in the film - and visually, I promise you, you will never have seen anything like it. People say that Cameron has created the most expansive fictional universe since Star Wars - and I can get behind such ambition.

So, with no further ado, here come the Cameron rankings:

6 Titanic (1997)

look at how fucking young leo looks.


the most successful film of all time, both in terms of box office receipts and oscar wins, despite mediocre reviews from critics. (i think it stands at an 81% on rotten tomatoes) it was nominated for a record 14 oscars, won a record 11 (it's tied with ben-hur and return of the king for the most ever), and grossed more than 600 million domestically, and more than 1.8 billion worldwide. I remember seeing this one - valentine's day, I was in 8th grade. her parents drove to the theater. awesome. Titanic's box office run is legendary. It opened right before Christmas to 28 million. It went on to earn more than $10 million in 13 consecutive weekends. 13! that's astounding. there's no denying the film's technical merit and filmmaking achievement, it just doesn't do it for me. it's a good movie, no doubt, but i can't get excited about it, and i respect the talent involved, and it certainly tugs at the heartstrings and does a great job of memorializing one of the truly great infamous events of the 20th century. my grade for titanic would be 7/10, more than adequate, and a technical marvel.



5 True Lies (1994)

James Cameron's tongue-in-cheek take on James Bond and straight-forward action movies. Always presented with a wink and a smile in that distinctive Ah-nald way that made him one of America's biggest movie stars, Cameron manages to make a film that is fun on many different levels - as a send-up of the action genre, as an improvement on the James Bond "spy" genre (remember - this is before the Pierce Brosnan Bond reboot), and as a straight up good time. Jamie Lee Curtis goes from bookworm to hot, and made every kid my age sad when they found out she may or may not have been born as a hermaphrodite. (and then look up what a hermaphrodite was) America's ultimate spy (who confusingly has a heavy Austrian accent) has a wife and kid who can't stand him, thinking he's a boring businessman rather than the ultimate badass he really is. Their paths cross with a beautiful exotic woman with ties to international terrorists who plan to detonate a nuclear weapon on American soil. This is easily Tom Arnold's best role, as Arnie's snarky sidekick, and the movie is a rip-roaring good time. The horse chase, the Harrier scene, the opening party scene - all awesome. Easily Cameron's most comic film - True Lies remains one of the highlights of the 90's action genre. I give it a 7.8/10.



4 The Abyss (1989)

Yet another technical marvel of filmmaking by one of the most ambitious directors working today. The Abyss wasn't all that well received when it was initially released, and was considered by many to be a flop, especially in the wake of "Aliens", but it's well worth a watch, and has stood up remarkably well. This was a legendarily tough shoot - they shot much of the film in huge tanks, with the actors required to don full dive gear. An American nuclear submarine mysteriously disappears - leaving the government suspecting the Soviets (this being 1989 after all), and a team of Navy SEALs and a team of underwater oil workers are tasked with recovering the sub. Tensions are high and mysterious vessels are repeatedly sighted, leaving the military suspecting the Soviets - although perhaps something even more strange and wonderful is at work. Ed Harris (the legendary dick that he is), Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio and Cameron favorite Michael Biehn are all great in this one, and once again, at its heart, the film features a tender story between estranged spouses Mastrantonio and Harris. I won't spoil anything - but this truly is a remarkable film technically, and has a lot to say about old MADD policies. I give it an 8.2/10.



3 The Terminator (1984)

Few films have had as big an impact on sci-fi as this 1984 classic. The film that started it all, spawned multiple sequels, massive mythology, and innumerable imitators (would the matrix have been created without the terminator? i doubt it) This, and conan, launched the career of the man who would be one of the two or three biggest movie stars on the planet... and few times have man and material come together in such perfection. Ah-nald is fucking terrifying in this one as an unstoppable cybernetic killing machine from the future where machines are trying to wipe out the human race, sent back to kill the mother of mankind's savior before he is even conceived. Michael Biehn (how he didn't become a star, I'll never know) is great as future resistance fighter Kyle Reese, and the glimpses we get of the future are truly terrifying. Linda Hamilton is more than believable as overwhelmed regular girl Sarah Connor, supposed mother of mankind's savior. This one is almost a horror film, with the entire film focused on escaping from this terrible killing machine that is completely impervious to gunshots and most weapons thrown at it. Although once again, the heart of the film lies with an unlikely love developing between future resistance fighter and protector Kyle Reese and Sarah Connor. The Terminator is a sci-fi classic and really doesn't look all that bad effects wise, especially considering it had a low budget and is 25 years old. 8.5/10.



2 Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Rare is the sequel that is better than the original - especially when the original is a classic. Cameron, Arnold and Hamilton are back, along with (an amazing) Edward Furlong as the now 12 year old John Connor, future savior of humanity. Hamilton's Sarah Connor has been... effected by the aftermath of 1984's Terminator, having been committed to a mental institution for raving about the (true) supposed future and danger of machines. Cameron really switches the bill on this one - bringing back Arnold as a good guy, (he was captured and reprogrammed by the resistance) now charged with protecting the young John Connor from the badass T-1000 sent back through time to kill him, and presumably mankind's future. The T-1000 has significant upgrades over Arnold's model (the T-800), being made of liquid metal so that he can form weapons, change shape, absorb gunshots, get blown up, run over, frozen and basically anything else with no ill effects. With the largest budget of any film at the time, T2 made huge steps in special effects and is a true technical marvel of a film. Despite all of the awesome shit blowing up, being shot at, etc., the heart of the film is the touching relationship that develops between the fatherless John and his robot protector. This is the first R-rated film I ever saw, and one of the greatest action movies of all time. This is the way blockbusters should be made - just sit back and enjoy the ride - for years this was the highest-grossing R-rated film of all time, and is a real blast. 9/10.



1 Aliens (1986)

In the pantheon of great sci-fi (star wars, star trek 2, blade runner, the matrix) "Aliens" is in elite company, and other than the original star trek series and the first star wars, nothing else has had the same impact on sci-fi conventions and "rules". Cameron flipped the script completely on "Alien", which is a great film in and of itself, but a small scale, terrifying film. Cameron took an awesome character, Ripley, an awesome bad guy, the "xenomorph", an awesome universe, and added a team of badass Marines and some dastardly intentions from an omnipotent galactic company. Watch 'Aliens" sometime - check out how badass the effects look - and consider this film came out in 1986. It looks cooler than half of the shit being put out today. This is truly one of the best sci-fi/action films of all time - with memorable characters throughout. Bill Paxton is especially memorable as the clown of the crew. Like all of Cameron's films, this one features surprisingly strong characters, not reverting to stereotypes when it would have been exceedingly easy to do so. Also, the heart of the film is in the relationship between Ripley and the one surviving colonist, a young girl named "Newt". The subtitle says it all: "this time, it's war". 9.2/10, I'll show this one to my kids when they're old enough. It's that awesome.

The 2000's: 15-11

15 Minority Report (2002)

blade runner (do androids dream of electric sheep?), total recall (we can remember you wholesale), a scanner darkly and this little beauty are the highlights of sci-fi author philip k. dick's contributions to film. take what's best about sci-fi and crime "whodunits" and what you get is "minority report". this story of a 2050's washington d.c. where crime has been all but eliminated thanks to "pre-cogs" who can see the future before it happens is in the more than capable hands of one steven spielberg, who creates a real vision of our near future, that only seems to be all the more true with every passing year. to me, that is the test of a truly great vision of the future - how much of it stands the test of time, and even seems more real. the computers here, interactive 3D projections - um, did anyone catch last year's presidential election on CNN? the cars, the degenerating society, the personalized advertising (have you been on facebook lately?), the "big brother" feel to everything, it all hits harder now than it did 7 years ago. tom "i'm batshit now" cruise is truly great in this role as a D.C. policeman overseeing the "Pre-cog" crime program who suddenly finds that his name pops up as a future murderer. was he set up? who could have done it, and why? cruise finds himself on the run, unraveling the mystery all the while fleeing the truly long arm of the future state. a truly involving cinematic experience, and one of the decade's true sci-fi gems.



14 Gladiator (2000)

i didn't even realize people didn't like this one until extremely recently. what's not to like? that it takes itself seriously? is that really such a bad thing? just because we as a culture are so postmodern and ironic we can't stand media that's not based on poking fun at something or standing for or in favor of something doesn't mean that anything with a contrarian view is wrong or inferior or somehow worthy of derision. there were simpler times when things truly could be "right" or "wrong" and didn't require debate - some "heroes" of the past were and could be "heroes" like no one alive today could be. i truly think this (along with ben-hur and lawrence of arabia) is one of the greatest films ever made. the scope and ambition of it alone make it worthy of awe and appreciation. people speak as if gladiator didn't deserve to win best picture... what did? chocolat? crouching tiger, hidden shit? erin brockovich? come on. that's silly. i can't even remember any of those films, and i remember gladiator like it was yesterday. for about 4 years of my life, this was the best film i saw in the theater. the direction, cinematography and computer rendering of the glory of ancient rome are all truly terrific. and the cast... in a word, wow. russell crowe at the height of his powers. djimon hounsou and joaquin ("i'm crazy now") phoenix and a host of supporting characters, including oliver reed in his last role, make this a film that is about so much more than the effects and battles. is the story wholly fictional? of course - but it's entirely believable, and features one of the decade's true heroes. i've watched "gladiator" at least 100 times, and it's not out of the question for there to be another 100 viewings left in this one.



13 The Prestige (2006)

Chris Nolan's inter-Batman film, starring Bruce Wayne, Wolverine and Alfred Pennyworth as dueling magicians and a trusty old engineer of tricks in turn-of-the century london (and colorado springs) is so much more than it appears. every magic trick has three parts - the turn, the pledge, and the prestige. in its brilliance, so does this film. it follows two magicians who dedicate their lives to topping (and toppling) the other following a tragic accident in their younger days. we follow these magicians as they pursue their craft with an unhealthy obsession, costing their personal lives in the process and pursuit of fame and glory. when Bale comes up with "the best magic trick anyone's ever seen", Jackman will stop at nothing to discover and duplicate the technique - even employing Nicola Tesla (David Bowie - in a brilliant turn). I really can't say enough about the actors involved. Bale, Caine, Jackman, the underrated ScoJo, Andy "Gollum" Serkis and David Bowie all bring the goods. I shouldn't even need to mention the filmmaking - it is Chris Nolan we're talking about - one of the very best working today. While, like most films with a twist, this one isn't as necessarily fun to watch and re-watch as others on the list, it certainly is a superb little piece of filmmaking, and, i dare say, Nolan's best film starring Christian Bale and Michael Caine.



12 The Pianist (2002)

despite being more famous for banging a 13 year old girl, roman polanski is a master filmmaker with a career spanning more than 5 decades, including this gem, one of the truly great holocaust films, bringing what is often portrayed as a macro phenomenon down to a human scale, not through a hero or truly stand up guy, but just a regular man who happens to be an accomplished concert pianist. we see the polish holocaust, warsaw ghetto, and famous, albeit ultimately failed warsaw uprising through adrian brody's (in a much deserving oscar winning role) eyes. one of the true horrors of human history is presented in a very personal, realistic, and often shocking way. there is a scene towards the end of the film where the titular character is forced to play for his life by a german officer - and it just serves to illustrate the shared humanity of us all - and the role of art and beauty in that humanity, even in the darkest times. this is one of those films that causes me to just sit in darkness, staring off into the middle distance, for about 45 minutes after its over - just soaking up what i've just experienced, and that's a powerful thing.



11 There Will Be Blood (2007)

the sheer audacity of this one is astounding. it really, truly blows me away that anyone let PT Anderson and Daniel Day Lewis make this one. it's about oil, but not really, it's about greed, but not really, it's about the human condition, but not really, it's about religion, but not really. a character study of a wholly fictional character from an upton sinclair novel, we are presented with one of the decade's true pleasures. absolutely gorgeous, wonderful filmmaking from one of film's biggest enigmas, PT Anderson, and a truly amazing performance from our greatest living actor. just watching a madman playing a truly obsessed madman - there's something so beautiful about that. Day-Lewis truly becomes Daniel Plainview - there's no glimpse of any other person in his eyes. This isn't a man playing a man - it's a man becoming a man, who will stop at nothing to get what he wants, despite the pile of wreckage he leaves in his wake. Plainview gives me the chills - he is pure, unadulterated greed and desire - not greed for financial success, but for recognition of his abilities as a businessman, one who won't compromise for anyone, and who will crush anyone who stands in his way. day-lewis gives THE best performance of the decade in this one - and if i could figure out what this film really MEANT, it'd be probably #3. as is, madness isn't ultimately as important as maybe i'd like.




oh, and this kid has been making me laugh all day:

The 2000's: 20-16

20 In Bruges (2008)

sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. this is a true work of brilliance. dark comedy abounds in modern film, and can be very hit or miss. everyone and their brother is trying their hand at it - particularly across the pond. this charming little film was quite a pleasant surprise for me, and in film, pleasant surprises tend to be few and far between. now it's no secret around these parts that i've got a decent sized man crush on colin farrell, i think he's one of the more promising young actors we have, and this film is example one. he manages to be hilarious, depressed, lovestruck, and suicidal over the course of two hours. the always terrific brendan gleeson is great as a good guy who also somehow is a hitman. ray (farrell) and ken (gleeson) are hitmen sent to Bruges, "the most well-preserved medieval city in Belgium" to lay low after Ray accidentally kills a child on his first job. ralph fiennes is hilariously foul-mouthed as their boss, harry. without spoiling too much, bloodshed, midgets, mistakenly punching a canadian for being american, rants on race, and a little love ensue. come for the witty banter, stay for the great performances and surprisingly touching story. great dramedy is hard to find. this one might wind up higher on the list in a few years.



19 The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou







bill murray is one of the true comedic heavyweights of our time. in my estimation, he's never been better than he is as the irrelevant, oblivious, sad and hilarious titular steve zissou. zissou was once at the top of his craft, producing hit documentaries and basically being jacques cousteau. now, some 20 years later, his star as faded, his best friend has been eaten by a mysterious creature and a man claiming to be his son comes forward. but it's wes anderson, so the story is really incidental to the real reasons i love this movie. this film is truly hate it or love it, but i love it. cate blanchett, willem dafoe, owen wilson all bring true comedic brilliance. seu jorge (a brazillian folk singer) plays and sings acoustic david bowie songs in portugese throughout. (!)(how awesome is that?) so zissou and company (including unpaid interns from the university of north alaska) pursue the beast on one last adventure, encountering pirates, drama and zissou's nemesis, alistair hennessey (a hilarious jeff goldblum) along the way. this one will make you laugh, make you cry, and expose you to one of the true pleasures of the 2000's. eminently quotable, eminently watchable, eminently memorable. a true pleasure. you won't regret it, unless you're no fun.



18 Mystic River (2003)

dennis lehane is probably my favorite contemporary american author. mystic river is a true work of brilliance out of him. lehane manages to describe so well the american underclass, to tell without judging or preaching. you recognize the humanity in it no matter how far removed from the blue collar streets you may be. that being said, there are times when a film is simply a superior way to tell a story, when actors can simply convey the emotions and thoughts involved in superior way to words on a page. clint eastwood has been one of hollywood's biggest players for a long time, this decade is when he brought his A game consistently behind the director's chair. mystic river, million dollar baby, flags of our fathers, changeling and grand torino are all works of subtle, understated genius (to varying extents). but what really makes this film are the brilliant performances of the leads. to say that sean penn and tim robbins bring their A-games would be the understatement of the century - they swept the 04 acting awards. they say with their faces what lehane takes pages to describe. powerful and devastating, mystic river is a distinctly american tale that says so much with so few words. 3 childhood friends whose lives were forever changed by a monstrous act find themselves reunited by another some 30 years later. it's not always pleasant to watch, but it is, in the end, an experience that will make you appreciate what a great actor(s) can bring to the table. sean penn and tim robbins have never been better. kevin bacon, marcia gay harden and lawrence fishburne are far more than adequate. add in one of the top 5 directors working today, and you've got an oscar-worthy film, probably deserving of a rank higher than the one i've given it.



17 Munich (2005)

i'll be the first to admit that spielberg's eyes get too big for his stomach sometimes. he can be overly sappy and sentimental, too big picture oriented, and have weak characters at times. despite all of this, Munich is a personal favorite of mine, it has a lot to say, and says it powerfully. especially prescient in this day and age, munich speaks to the nature of revenge and violent reprisals, and the profound changes engaging in such messy business can reap on all of us. pretty heady stuff. eric bana and daniel craig, among others, are on the elite team of israeli specialists hand picked by golda meir to enact israel's revenge on the palestinian militants responsible for infamously killing 11 members of the israeli olympic team at the 1972 munich games. what is seemingly a simple task becomes convoluted and much more complicated than any of the parties could have possibly imagined as the team travels the globe in pursuit of their targets. spielberg's direction does an incredible job of demonstrating the consequences of this plan, and bana's conflicted protagonist, avner, finds his world shattered by his involvement. whether you're pro-israeli, pro-palestinian or somewhere in between, spielberg's statement on the uselessness of violence as a means to accomplish ANY ends is a powerful allegory for the modern day geo-political situation. there's one amazing scene where the israeli commandos (claiming to be basques) and the palestinian commandos sent to foil them (claiming to be algerian) are put up in the same safe house and forced to deal with one another as individuals rather than abstract ideas. great stuff. well worth the 2 hr 45 minute commitment.



16 Gangs of New York

i love this movie a lot more than 16, but a cursory look at the films yet to be listed requires placement in this spot. the greatest villain in movie history (in my book), is portrayed in legendary fashion by the finest actor working today, daniel day-lewis. leonardo dicaprio in his first grown-up role. cameron diaz, john c. reilly and brendan gleeson highlight the others in this terrific ensemble. other than 'the last temptation of christ', this scorsese's most ambitious film, and the audience should be thankful that at least one director cares about creating such expansive and gorgeous sets (he built the 5 points in Italy). i've watched this one far more than is healthy to watch a film that requires two DVDs to fully enjoy, and can quote the butcher ad nauseum. however, ultimately, for me, leo isn't grown up enough to adequately foil DDL, and the film suffers for it. 'departed' 2007 leo would have been able to do it, 2002 leo fresh off of 'the beach' wasn't ready. also - it's a crime that liam neeson's badass priest vallon gets relegated to the prologue. that being said, i'm in love with scorsese's pull-no-punches, unapologetic depiction of history. who better to helm a tale of america's criminal past than the cinematic master of its criminal present? some all time classic characters and one-liners in this one, and the fact that DDL came home from the oscars empty-handed is a complete crime. a travesty even.

The 2000's

Now, I know this list may be a little redundant, what with the top 100 so near in the past and all, but what the hey, the end of a decade only comes around every so often, let alone what may in fact be the formative decade of my life. So I'm not going to promise that the lists are identical, in fact, they are not, there's been some reflection and additional film watching since the original list was made. Also - I can't help but notice that some people like to call it a "decade" from 1999-2009. That is not a decade, that is in fact 11 years. A decade is 2000-2009, zero has a value when you're talking years. So without further ado, I'm going to present my top 25 since 2000 over the next several weeks.

Oh - one disclaimer, I'm only going to include one film per series in here, i.e., only one of the Lord of the Rings, because it'd just be boring to put them all in. Let's do it.

25 V for Vendetta (2005)
How do you make a film about a super-strong, horribly burned and disfigured anti-hero terrorist in a fictional fascist Great Britain feel prescient and more relevant than half of the shit you read on nytimes.com? Great question. If I knew I'd probably have left this blogging nonsense behind a long time ago. My point, however, is that a mere 3 1/2 years after 9/11, a film where a terrorist brings down major landmarks in opposition to his government succeeds brilliantly, as a political statement, a testament to the individual, and a rousing action film. Mark this one up as one of the biggest surprises of the decade for me, and one I go back to more than just about any other. As a protagonist, you the viewer can't help but side with V even as you shake your head at his megalomania. I could rave for pages about Natalie Portman in this one, but the always lovely and always charming Miss Portman brings a much needed human, grounded face to the whole endeavor. Plus, the one-shot head shaving scene? Awesome. Hugo Weaving manages to make a Guy Fawkes mask more expressive than most actor's faces, and lets be honest, the only thing this film is missing is Tom Wilkinson.



24 The Wrestler (2008)
Can you ever really teach an old dog new tricks? Does a tiger ever change its stripes? Do I know any more animal cliches? Who knows these things... I certainly don't. Brilliant is not the proper word to describe Mickey Roarke's performance or Aronofsky's direction (super pumped for robocop, by the way), and rarely, if ever, this decade have actor and material ever come together in such a way. At once uplifting & inspiring and crushing & devastating, we witness a once proud man, once a superstar - reduced to near homelessness, as he hangs on to the one thing that gave him any meaning. He continues to make self-destructive choices in pursuit of glory - forcing us to ask the question - does he really have any choice? You'll cry, you'll laugh, you'll marvel at the very real beauty of what you're seeing, but one thing I guarantee is that you'll be affected, deeply, by what you see.



23 Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)











What's a top 25 list without one of the decade's most accomplished, controversial and divisive filmmakers? While I wouldn't be surprised if in 10 years Inglorious Basterds is the 2000's Tarantino film I come back to most often, right now Kill Bill 2 is the one that stays with me. Vintage Tarantino, with snappy dialogue, great shots, memorable characters, and non-linear storytelling. The lovely Uma Thurman is adequately badass as the unstoppable killing machine otherwise known as Beatrix Kiddo, and brings a much-needed sensitivity to the required scenes. The additions of Michael Madsen, Pai Mei and David Carradine (RIP) in addition to the filling in of the backstory make this the (much) stronger half of the Kill Bill series. I am sticking with my original statement that Kill Bill would be much stronger as a single film, but if I'm picking one, it will definitely be this one. The Kung-Fu training with Pai Mei is beyond awesome, and is one of my favorite scenes in any movie. I'll be the first to admit that Tarantino can be hit (Pulp Fiction) or miss (Jackie Brown), but this one is all hit, even if installment number 1 of Kill Bill isn't.



22 Collateral (2004)
Yes a Tom Cruise movie made the list. I wonder how many people really ever saw this one. It's Michael Mann you know. Yes, Heat Michael Mann. Jamie Foxx is a taxi drive who unwittingly becomes hitman Tom Cruise's personal driver as he cuts a swath through the L.A. underworld over the course of one very long night. It's Michael Mann, so I can tell you what you're going to get... awesome shoot-outs, heavy use of rock music and sweeping panoramic shots of the cityscape. This is a Mann (pun intended) who knows his craft, his city, and what the hell he's doing. Come along for the ride, it's one hell of a wild one. Foxx and Cruise are great, Mark Ruffalo is more than solid in a supporting role, and there are some great little scenes in this one. One of the more underrated films of the decade in my book, and a true pleasure. It was tough for me to pick just one Mann film to include, but in the end, this one had to be the choice. If you're staying away just because you can't buy Tom Cruise as a "bad" guy, give it a shot, you won't be disappointed.



21 Pan's Labyrinth
A terrible (in the way old testament God is terrible) fairy tale for the 21st century, director Guillermo del Toro's beautiful and wonderful spanish-language fantasy scape is a true cinematic breath of fresh air. Set in the backdrop of the Spanish Civil War, one girl's fantastic escape from the horrors of her reality gives the director of Hellboy an opportunity to create a world of fairies, trolls, fauns and other creatures unlike anything else you've ever seen. The creatures and fantasy are un-nerving but strangely gorgeous, like an old growth forest, snarled with undergrowth. I'll be the first to admit that the little girl can be obnoxious, but hey, she can't help herself, she's 8, but you'll be transfixed to the screen and the true sense of wonder del Toro brings to life. It's been too long since I've sat down to the rich and rewarding experience that is Pan's Labyrinth, I'll have to do it again. At any rate, this one is rewarded for the depth of its creativity and artistry, and the overall beauty of the experience, in any language. A true masterpiece and gem.

College Football, Sport, Such Things...

Hello all. It has been much too long since I've graced you with my presence, and for that I apologize. I wish I had a good excuse, but sadly, I've anything but. So here I am, an official lawyer and everything, yet still unemployed. Lets just say I didn't envision my life at 26 consisting of living with mom and dad in Fotown... but something tells me things are looking up.

Anyway, here we are, I'm here to talk about how to fix what's wrong with and how to fix college football. Everyone (well, ESPN talking heads mostly) rants on and on about a playoff like a playoff is a panacea. Look around sports... what does a playoff truly accomplish? I don't see how a "true champion" argument can be made, because all a playoff proves is that a certain team can get hot and win over a two-week period. When you institute a playoff, the controversy then becomes who gets in said playoff. Look at the NFL. Last year you had 8-8 San Diego and 9-7 Arizona in the playoffs while 11-5 New England watched from home. The same thing happens every year in the NBA and MLB as well. You're just trading one controversy for another... the controversy over who's in the playoffs for the controversy of who's playing for the national title. Any number chosen for the playoff would be completely arbitrary, and the Xth team that is the last team not to make it would have a legitimate gripe. So if you ask me, a playoff doesn't give you a "true" champion, it gives you someone who's playing well at the right time of year. Look at last year's 9-7 Arizona Cardinals. They lost by 40 points to the Patriots (who didn't make the playoffs at 11-5) in December, but then played well in the playoffs and came within a score of winning the championship. Playoffs don't determine champions better than any other way of determining championships, they reward mediocrity by making more teams' fans happy and allowing them to hold out hope for a longer period of time. Look at the ultimate playoff, the NCAA men's college basketball tournament. The lowest seed to ever win a national championship was #8 seed Villanova in 1985. This means that if you're seeded 9-16 you have no hope of winning and are only there to make your fans happy and try to ruin someone else's tournament. Well, college football already has a means in place to reward the fan bases of lesser teams, and that's the rest of the bowls that are outside of the BCS system. Couple this fact with the primary benefit of the College football system, that the regular season actually counts, and instead of a flawed system, you have perhaps the best system in all of sports. In the NFL, NBA and MLB, teams actually bench players at the end of the season in order to rest for the playoffs. College football is the only sport anywhere where every single game counts as much as every other game, because even a single loss in most years all but eliminates you from national title contention. There's something to be said for this and the atmosphere it creates around big games. For instance, the OSU/USC game this year, or the Texas/TTech game last year. The excitement both games created among even disinterested parties was palpable, and no NFL regular season game comes anywhere near it. So it's a trade-off. Do you trade the atmosphere of the regular season for the excitement of a several week tournament? I say no. I don't see how the pros outweigh the cons. Are there problems with the current system? Absolutely, however, I don't see how there is anything wrong with the BCS structurally, the problems lie elsewhere.

Problem #1: Preseason rankings. There's no problem with the system structurally. The problem is that the system relies upon rankings that are supposed to be compiled based on the play on the field. Unfortunately, these rankings are often wed to the expectations of the media and observers before the season begins. What are these expectations often based on? The prestige of the program and how the team did the previous season and little else. What do these things have to do with how a team is going to do in the upcoming season? Very little. Now I understand why preseason rankings exist, the networks and powers that be like to hype early season matchups (see OSU/USC) by saying "#5 vs. #7" or whatever, when really no one has any idea if any team is any good. So what I'm saying is that there should be no rankings until week 5, after everyone's non-conference schedule. This gives extra incentive to teams to schedule quality opponents out of conference, in order to distinguish yourself. This would also modify the current silly situation, where a team like Cincinnati (or Iowa prior to their first loss), which has accomplished everything they possibly could given their schedule (beat now-ranked Oregon State and Rutgers on the road, beat then-ranked WVU), is ranked significantly below the other undefeated BCS schools, because they entered the season unranked, while Florida, Alabama and Texas were all ranked in the preseason top 5. Removing preseason rankings would mean that your in-season rankings are completely dependent on your in-season performance, rather than any popularity contest or half-assed projection. This would ensure that every team is ranked according to what they've done on the field, and bring about a much more realistic depiction of who is actually good. The present situation takes until halfway through the season (sometimes later) to sort itself does, and oftentimes leaves certain schools on the outside looking in due to no fault of their own (see: Auburn, 2004, who went undefeated but was left out of the national title because they were unranked in the preseason)

Problem #2: The non-BCS schools. The other glaring problem in the BCS is that certain schools are almost completely left out of the party because of their conference affiliation (and not that this is completely undeserved, due to the lack of quality of these conferences), which occasionally leaves quality teams on the outside looking in. While non-BCS teams have gotten in (Boise, Utah) and accomplished something on the highest stage, I believe there will never be a non-BCS school as a legitimate national title contender, and don't believe there should be. These schools simply do not compete on a high level week in and week out. Yes Utah beat Alabama last year, and yes Boise beat Oregon this year, but any team can get up for one week. What really matters is playing quality opponents week after week and being able to sustain an entire season rather than 2 or 3 big games and a bunch of stinkers (Boise plays UC Davis, Idaho and La Tech in conference, TCU plays the likes of New Mexico, Air Force, San Diego State and UNLV). So there must be some sort of system in place that allows these lesser teams to prove themselves on a higher level. This is accomplished simply, by implementing a system that allows for ease of movement between conferences for football only. If Boise or TCU or Utah wants to prove that they deserve a shot at a national title, join an actual conference and play someone instead of getting up for your three actual games a year and coasting the rest of the way. In big conferences, anyone can beat anyone, see OSU losing to Purdue this year, USC losing to random teams every year, or Ole Miss beating Florida last year. It simply is not that way in the MAC, Mountain West, WAC or other mid-major conferences. Boise and Idaho could play 100 times, and Boise would win 100 times. If Boise wants to be taken seriously, they should join the Pac-10 and prove that they are deserving of big time recognition. The way this is accomplished is simple - each BCS conference pairs up with a corresponding mid-major conference, and the winner of each mid-major conference then competes in the BCS conference the next year, like the way English Premier league soccer memberships are fluid. This gives mid-major schools a seat at the table, while simultaneously forcing them to prove themselves at a high level, rather than just handing them an opportunity.

I promise you that the implementation of these two things would result in a purer, fairer, more competitive college football atmosphere, and keep what a lot of people love about college football in place while improving the already amazing product that's on the field.

Overrated/Underrated.

Welcome to the new-look blog. I decided to spruce it up a bit, we'll see if the changes are permanent or not. Anyway, it's time to play one of my favorite games, the one where I take two similar items and declare one as overrated and one as underrated. Here goes nothing...


•Overrated:
Wedding Crashers
Now don't get me wrong, Wedding Crashers is funny enough.. it's just sort of.. meh. After the raucous first act, the movie descends into more traditional romantic comedy territory, with only ridiculous physical comedy from supporting actors saving it from "Failure to Launch" territory. Also, when's someone going to call out Vince Vaughn for playing the exact same character in every movie? How many times can someone play "smooth talking slimeball" and get praised as "hilarious"? Are there any differences whatsoever between his Old School character and Wedding Crashers character? None that I can discern. Don't get me wrong, I love Swingers and Dodgeball is underrated, but his shtick can get a little tired. We get it Vince, you don't really have any morals and you can talk like a slick fucker. Enough already. Unless you're telling Mikey how money he is and making Gretsky's head bleed for superfan 99 over there, give it a rest.



•Underrated:
PCU
Everyone forgets about this movie, but in my mind, it's an all-time college classic. The premise is little more than an unabashed Animal House rip-off, but this little movie that could rises above and becomes so much more than the sum of its parts. Jeremy Piven is great as the poor man's Vince Vaughn, and while this one is a little dated (the 90's are good for that), it's a better portrayal of college life than pretty much any other college comedy. *cough* Van Wilder *cough*. come for Piven and David Spade, stay for Gutter. (is a tool)







•Overrated:
Bud Light.
This could possibly be my most controversial decision on this bad boy, but if you ask me, Bud Light is over-priced and just the smallest step up from significantly cheaper beer choices. And really, to be fair, I'm not calling out Bud Light in and of itself, I'm calling out all "mid-level" Light beers, whether Coors Light, Miller Lite or Bud Light. They're all identically priced and are more or less interchangeable. I'm just saying that if you put Natty and Bud Light in cups, and no one knows which is which, almost no one is going to be able to discern the difference. So all I'm saying is that what's the point of paying $18.99 for a case of bud light when you can get a 30 of natty for 2/3rds the price? If you're worried about being stigmatized by your guests, grow a pair and stand up to the man.



•Underrated:
Natural Light.
You could probably see this one coming, but honestly, is there more bang for your buck in the beer business? As discussed above, Natty is basically "store brand" Bud Light. Same ingredients, same taste, same effect. Why does one drink light beer? So that you can drink a lot of it and not be full, correct? Well, Natty is running about 33% cheaper than Bud Light, and like I said, literally no one can pass the blind taste test. Natty aversion is all psychological. Honestly, why pay 1/3rd more for something that tastes identical? If you're going to pay more for beer, get something good, Smithwick's or Sam Adams or something that you're going to enjoy. Natty has treated me well over the years, and will continue to do so. Kudos, Anheiser Busch, for having the balls to put out a product that is significantly cheaper and yet tastes virtually identical to your flagship Light beer. Unlike say Keystone Light, Natty doesn't take a step back to any of the plethora of light beers.




• Overrated:
The Boondock Saints.
Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoy The Boondock Saints, I do, however, recognize that the movie is way overrated by a large chunk of the 18-30 population. This movie wouldn't be overrated at all if it wasn't for people's opinions of it. Is it a good time? Absolutely, there aren't a whole lot of more drunkenly watchable movies I can think of. However, it should have no place on anyone's favorite movie list. It's like a homeless man's mash-up of Taxi Driver and Tarantino. Anyone who really really likes the Boondock Saints just hasn't gotten into QT or Guy Ritchie yet. This is a fun movie with some good quotes and Willem DaFoe is great, but its purely derivative, and the whole moral debate the movie is seeming to attempt to invoke just seems contrived. Overrated doesn't mean "bad", it means that opinions of this particular work are far inflated, particularly among members of my generation. If you find yourself loving The Boondock Saints, do yourself a favor and watch Pulp Fiction and Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels in quick succession and begin your edumakation. Once you find your way to Scorsese, then we'll talk.

Oh - and overrated doesn't mean I'm not pumped for the sequel, because I certainly am - check the trailer:

More The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day Info

• Underrated:
Equilibrium.
There's only so much one man can do to spread the gospel of the most tragically unknown and under-appreciated movie of his generation. The review on the cover of the DVD says "Forget the Matrix, this movie will blow you away", and I can earnestly say that quote is not hyperbole. Take 1984, mix it with the Matrix and a Brave New World, and you get one of the most badass and awesome films of the last 20 years. It's a travesty that this film was released overseas and made it's budget back, so Miramax decided not to release it domestically in theaters. Remember how I was saying that Boondock Saints tries to have something to say but it falls flat? This film has something to say, and says it loud. Christian Bale is amazing, and its a shame that domestic audiences were deprived of this film. Please, whether you have to join netflix or just buy the DVD at Best Buy, see Equilibrium. You won't regret it.



• Overrated:
The Office.
While I (seemingly along with every other person walking god's green earth) enjoy the Office, I recognize that the adoration thrown at its feet is far in excess of the show's actual merit. The Office is (well, mostly, was) a solid show with a great cast and a big heart, but as time has gone on, it's become more and more ridiculous and absurd while losing a lot of the heart that made it what it was. Most people blame that on the show departing from Ricky Gervais and the original British office outline. I'd say that's probably accurate, because the show is now so ridiculous that it is no longer believable, where what made it such a big hit to start with was the fact that this world inhabited by all of these likable characters was so recognizable to all of us. Michael Scott is just too much. I don't care how occiffied the institution may be, no one would be allowed to pull 1/9th of the shit he pulls and still have a job. Where the show was once so authentic and still funny, it now is indistinguishable from a ridiculous summer comedy. It's a shame really. Don't get me wrong, every office episode will make me last at least once, and I love the Nard-dog, but B.J. Novak and co. would be better suited to scale it back, instead of trying to keep up with 30 Rock. When you set your show in a realistic universe, you put constraints on what you can do. That being said, the show needs to reel in Michael and Dwight and have everyone else behave themselves. Just some advice.


• Underrated:
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.
All of those rules that I was just talking about that apply when you set your show in a realistic world? Yeah, you can throw those out of the window. Always Sunny has never pretended to be set in a realistic world. The world of Always Sunny allows for debauchery and ass-clownery on an epic scale, and I love every minute of it. Basically Seinfeld for 20-somethings who enjoy the booze, Always Sunny features several of the most morally reprehensible individuals on the planet concocting hair-brained schemes, while sitting around and casually drinking for hours on end. Airing the show on FX allows the Always Sunny people to get away with basically anything they want, from creating musicals about nighttime rapes, to exploiting a baby found in a dumpster, to banging each others' moms. A rip-roaring good time, with no shortage of laughs.



• Overrated:
The Joker.
I hear a lot of "greatest villain ever" talk, and come on. You're almost disrespecting the dead by throwing around that kind of ridiculousness. Was Ledger great, perfect even? Sure. But "greatest villain ever"? That doesn't even make sense. TDK has so many plot holes its not even funny. How does the Joker run such an organized ship? How does he know where everyone in Gotham is at every moment? I buy him as a madman and force of nature... I do not, however, buy him as a mastermind. Cunning? Absolutely. I just never for a moment believe that the Joker is capable of the kind of schemes he pulls off in the film. How does he rig the ferries? How does he rig the hospital? How does he know EXACTLY where the SWAT Van is going to go, and thus the helicopter? This sort of thing is just never explained, and it kind of takes away from the strength of the character, who is awesome every time he's on screen.


• Underrated:
Bill "the Butcher" Cutting.
Nothing against Mr. Ledger, but here is a true master. Gangs of New York is pretty under-appreciated across the board, and I'd say that is likely due to the fact that Americans are in general un-appreciative of un-romanticized history. This is the way we were. This is perhaps Daniel Day Lewis' greatest role. Nuanced, layered, and amazing. The Butcher is much more ambiguous than many movie villains, but one should never doubt the murderous rage that lays beneath his charming outer demeanor. He manages to be, at once, father figure and arch-nemesis to DiCaprio's young Amsterdam Vallon, and the minor touches of brilliance (i.e., his semi-illiteracy) only flesh out a stellar character. The Butcher rules the Five-Points with an Iron Fist, with a direct line to the city's political power de jour. A classic, true to life villain who rests in shades of gray, it truly is a travesty that DDL received no oscar for this, perhaps his finest performance. Top Butcher quotes: "you are neither cold nor hot, and since you are lukewarm, i shall spew you from my mouth. and as for you, mr. tammany fucking hall, you come down to the points again, you'll be dispatched by mine own hand." - "Now here's the thing, I don't give a tuppeny fuck about your moral conundrum, you meat-headed shit sack, that's pretty much the thing." - "i want you to see this. notch 45. it's you, you irish bug bastard. ... why don't you burn 'im? see if his ashes turn green."



• Overrated:
Johnny Depp.
Not that Johnny Depp isn't an incredible actor, because he really, truly is. Donnie Brasco is one of the great performances from a young(er) actor of our time. The problem is that Mr. Depp is too into being Tim Burton's double-sided dildo partner and acting like a dipshit in over-priced Disney movies to take serious, grown up roles. For every Ed Wood, there's a Sweeney Todd, for every Public Enemies, a "Pirates" movie. It really is one of the great crimes committed upon the movie going public. Mr. Depp should be competing with Leo for grown-up roles, not wearing ridiculous makeup and prancing about saying "savvy". Personally, I think he should change his name to "John", stop trying to get on teen-aged girls' walls and go out and show some interest in some actual roles. Get some Oscar noms. It's been a while since Edward Scissorhands and Gilbert Grape John.


• Underrated:
Russell Crowe.
Quick, who's younger? Depp or Crowe? If you said Depp, you'd be... WRONG! If there's one movie star in Hollywood whose brilliance is completely under-appreciated (other than Gary Oldman), it's Russell Crowe. The Insider, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Master and Commander, Cinderella Man. What do those films have in common other than starring Russell Crowe? Oh, they all came out from '99-'05. What other actor working today has that kind of run? Sure, he can be a prickly asshole. Who cares? What does that have to do with his skill as a thespian? The world acts as if "American Gangster" and "3:10 to Yuma" didn't happen, and like he wasn't the best actor on screen in both of them. It's a little troubling that my boy is completely under-appreciated by the public. If you haven't yet seen "Body of Lies", go check it. And if you haven't seen "State of Play", then you're me, and you need to get your shit together. Anyway, Russ Crowe, brilliant. Pumped to see the new Robin Hood.