AB's Summer Movie Preview!

So I know I've been bad about posting lately... this whole blogging business will get away from you if you aren't careful. But I've got a post here that's right in my wheelhouse, so let's get back on top. I'm talking, of course, about my Summer Movie Preview. Now this is MY summer movie preview, so don't come here to hear about Shrek 4, Toy Story 3, Sex in the City 2, Twilight, or shit like that. I'm here to talk about movies I'M interested in seeing, so get on board with that, or check out MTV or Nickelodeon for your movie news.. with that brief disclaimer, let's get down to it, shall we?

Now I know a top 10 is more fun for everyone involved, but unfortunately, I couldn't decide between numbers 10 and 11, so therefore, we've got a bonus top 11 - how fun!

11. Jonah Hex
Jonah Hex is a western-set rather obscure DC comic, and any excitement I have towards this one is all about the cast. Josh Brolin as the lead - a scarred badass bounty hunter full of smartass things to say? Count me in. Oh, and John Malkovich is the bad guy? I'm willing to give it a whirl. I'm a bit (well, maybe more than a bit..) concerned over the supposed re-writes and re-shoots that took place during and post-production, but I'm definitely still excited to see the trailer. Consider me a Josh Brolin fan, and I'll officially see anything he does. I heard something about the female romantic lead - what's her name? Megan something? Apparently she's quite attractive and all the rage with the kids nowadays. Jonah Hex comes out June 18. The trailer comes out April 29, I'll let you know more then - as of right now, it's too early to tell.




10. The A-Team

Now ordinarily, a cheeseball 80's remix like this would have me rolling my eyes in sarcastic "who-gives-a-shit"-ness. (Seriously, ask me how many times I saw G.I. Joe... the answer rhymes with "nero") But then they got Liam Neeson on board and cast my boy Bradley Cooper. Now I'm paying attention. I'm always game for a fun action movie... (if it's well made and well-acted), and the trailer looks kind of fun - it looks like they've got the right tone going on. I'm not going to say I'm seeing it opening night - but as long as it scores at least a 30% on Rotten Tomatoes, I'm seeing it. Oh, and if you ask me, the Rampage Jackson as B.A. casting was inspired. The A-Team opens June 11.




9. The Expendables

Stallone. Statham. Li. Rourke. Lundgren. Steve Austin. Randy Couture. Bruce Willis. The Governator. What more do you need to know? They don't really make old school fun action movies anymore, and consider me "cautiously enthusiastic" for this one. Check out that trailer.. how will it not be a blast? Rambo IV was secretly awesome, and the fact that this movie appears to have been conceived by Mac from Always Sunny is one more thing in its favor. I guarantee this one will make you feel like a man, and it will probably be a fun late night DVD watch for years to come. Is it going to be Oscar-worthy? Of course not.. but it can (and probably will) certainly be fun, and the $10 at the movie theater is cheaper than any other similar 2 hours you're going to have. So count me in. The Expendables will be released August 13.




8. Splice

Count me as an enthusiastic supporter of sci-fi in all of its various incarnations. This is a good old fashioned ethics discussion in the guise of a monster movie. A pair of genetic scientists experimenting with gene slicing decide to add human DNA to the mix - with predictably awful results. I keep hearing good things about this one, and am really looking forward to it. I think the trailer really says it all. Splice is due to be released on June 4.



7. The Other Guys

Will Ferrell's star has been fading as of late, and he's in desperate need of a hit. Count me among those hoping that this is it - and re-uniting with the director of Anchorman and a perfect cast like this could be just what the doctor ordered. That trailer made me LOL a couple of times, and the only reason I'm ranking this one this far down the list is just to temper expectations. Wahlberg has shown comedic chops from time to time, and Sam L. and the Rock are PERFECT as the badass super cops they appear to have been cast as here. I expect that this one will be a good time. Come on Will, we're rooting for you. The Other Guys opens August 6.




6. Knight and Day

Tom Cruise was once the biggest movie star on the planet - and this could be the movie that finally reminds people of why that is. He can be incredibly charming and funny when he wants to be. Cameron Diaz is one of the more likable female leads out there - throw in James Mangold, the director of 3:10 to Yuma and Walk the Line, and Peter Sarsgaard, and count me in. Despite the unfortunate use of Muse in the trailer, there's a solid chance this one will be a rip-roaring good time. This appears to be an old school 90's style tongue-in-cheek action flick - a genre that's particularly near and dear to my heart. I'm officially rooting for Tom Cruise, oddball dwarf that he is. Knight and Day is released June 25.




5. Predators

The first Predator film, for all the failings of its various sequels and incarnations/crossovers, was a badass action/horror classic. This film appears to be returning to those roots, and I am extremely excited about that. A group of humans, all deadly killers in their own right, are dropped on a planet that serves as a game preserve for Predators, and hunted. The return to the jungle needed to happen, as the Predator was much more effective in the jungle than he ever was in urban environments. The cast, while unorthodox, has promise, and talent in spades, between Adrian Brody, Lawrence Fishbourne, Danny Trejo and others - if you ask me, it's a better idea to go in a different direction with the cast than try to match the original's musclebound collection of badasses. Predators opens July 9.



4. Get Him to the Greek

A few years back, Forgetting Sarah Marshall was a surprise for me, and in my book, ranks right up there with the best of the Apatow family of films. Now, the director reunites with Russell Brand and Jonah Hill, who reprise their roles from Sarah Marshall, to make what I hope will be the best comedy of the summer. Jonah Hill has 72 hours to get wild man Russell Brand from London to LA. Hijinks ensue.. count me in. Get Him to the Greek opens June 4.



3. Robin Hood

Robin Hood gets a much-needed update and revision, considering his last bigscreen treatment was the nonsensical "Prince of Thieves", in which Kevin Costner decided it was necessary to pretend that Robin Hood was from Missouri. Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe, also known as the powers that brought you "Gladiator", have reunited to bring a legendary figure to life, with a little updating and revision along the way. This is not the prankster thief of legend.. this is a full on rebel leader. Epic battles, grandiose spectacle and unbridled heroism will ensue. Count me in. Russ Crowe finally realized that he's best as a badass. Cate Blanchette as maid Marion? Awesome. The extremely underrated Marc Strong (Archie from "Rock N Rolla") as the sheriff? Awesome. In many summers, this one would be #1 on the list, but a couple of arrivals at the top make this not your average summer. Robin Hood opens May 14, and I'll be there May 14.



2. Iron Man 2

The first Iron Man was one of the all-time movie surprises. A relatively minor figure in Marvel's pantheon of heroes becomes one of the biggest films of all time. This is truly a testament to the talent involved. Favreau is more than competent behind the camera, Downey is truly immaculate as Tony Stark (I remember saying when I found out he was cast initially that he was truly perfect for the part), and the supporting players are all great. This remains the case even after Terrence Howard is replaced by Don Cheadle, as IM2 adds Mickey Rourke as the Russian whiplash, Scarlett Johannson as Black Widow, and Sam Rockwell as a rival arms manufacturer who wishes to hijack the Iron Man technology. (In case you're wondering, people trying to steal the Iron Man technology consists of about 92% of all Iron Man stories) Oh, how could I forget - War Machine (one of the biggest badasses in all of Marvel) makes his initial appearance as Rhodey dons the armor to help out his pal. I'll be there opening night, maybe even at midnight. Iron Man 2 opens May 7. Get there early, there's talk that this one might break TDK's opening weekend haul.



1. Inception

Chris Nolan is one of the few filmmakers about whom I can honestly say I'll see anything they make, no matter what. That, and the fact that he's teamed with my boy Leo for this one, make this the unquestioned number 1 of Summer 2010, despite the fact that I know very, very little about this secretive film. I do know that Leo's character is a new generation of Corporate spy in the near future who uses technology to go into people's minds in an effort to steal the contents of their minds. Other than that - I know nothing, except that this film will be stellar narratively, look amazing, and offer a whole hell of a lot more than your average summer blockbuster. Inception opens July 16, and I'll see you there.

Leopold "Butters" Stoch

First, I hate to say I told you so, but re: March Madness, after all the "Madness", what happened? A #1 seed won it all. Not just any #1 seed, but the one that had the easiest bracket - by a wide margin. So therefore, if everyone just opened their eyes and looked at the bracket, they would have picked Duke, who indeed won the whole thing. See? Not so "mad" after all.

Anyway, that's not why we're here, we're here to talk about one of the truly great role players in all of media, none other than Mr. Leopold "Butters" Stotch. To me, the great part about Butters is that everyone knows someone just like him - just a lovable, naive dipshit. On a show that is often lewd and highly inappropriate, Butters' curse words include the like of "Oh fiddlesticks" and "Oh cheeseburgers". Poor Butters.. he's under constant abuse from his friends, and under constant threat of being grounded. It's interesting how South Park has evolved over time - Butters didn't really appear much until Season 6 or so, and now outside of Kyle, Stan and Cartman, Butters is just about the most important character. So I'm going to dedicate this post to Butters, and count down some of his best moments while showing my appreciation for one of the truly great characters in all media. Let's head down to Bennigans.


Honorable mention Butters Eps: Casa Bonita (Cartman fools Butters into believing the world has ended), 'Lil Crime Stoppers (Butters spends the entire episode trying to give a semen sample), Cartman Sucks (Butters goes to prayer camp), Imaginationland (the best South Park eps, Butters becomes stuck in Imaginationland)

So without further ado, here are the top 6 Butters Eps:


6. Butters' Very Own Episode

Here's Butters' very first episode, and it's one of the very best. Here we get a glimpse into the extremely fucked up family life of the Stotch's. Excited about going to Bennigan's for his parents' anniversary, Butters is sent to spy on his father in order to find out what he's getting mom for the anniversary. Butters sees his dad go into a gay theater and a bathhouse where he "wrestles" with a man. Butters being Butters, he reports all this innocently to his mother, who then snaps, and tries to kill Butters by driving the car into the river with Butters still into it. Poor Butters.. but at least he finally gets to go to Bennigans.



5. The Tale of Scrotie McBoogerballs
Here we get Butters as auteur, and Kim Kardashian appreciator. The regular gang, after being aghast at how non-obscene and controversial Catcher in the Rye is, decide they're going to write a truly obscene novel, titled (appropriately) Scrotie McBoogerballs, a tale that is so disturbing, it causes spontaneous vomiting among its readers. After the book that is hidden in Stan's drawer is discovered by his mother, the boys assume they're going to get in trouble, so of course they blame Butters. Butters, being Butters, accepts blame, since he was taken under Catcher in the Rye's spell a la Mark David Chapman. To the gang's surprise, the book is seen as a powerful work of art, and becomes an overnight hit. Butters accepts credit, and does the media thing, while the boys try to expose him as a fraud. To appease his fans, Butters writes another book, this one titled "The Poop that Took a Pee", and it's about as obscene as good old Butters is capable of being, basically consisting of nothing but "pooping" and "peeing" - of course, everyone loves it, and Butters is grounded again for using obscenity by his parents. Unfortunately for our pal Butters, his novel causes someone to snap and kill Kim Kardashian, driving our boy Butters to despair.


4. Marjorine.
The gang, in an effort to get ahold of the girls' "Cootie catcher"/fortune telling device, decide to fake Butters' death, reinventing him as "Marjorine", so he can infiltrate the girls' slumber parties and steal the cootie catcher. Butters' parents, being the idiots they are, really think he's dead, and Butters' dad decides to carry out a Satanic ritual to resurrect his dead son. So after Butters accomplishes his mission and tries to return home, his parents think he's returned as a hellspawn... hilarity ensues. Poor Butters.. after his parents try to feed him a curtain salesperson - he retorts "C-Can't I just have some spaghetti-Os?.. classic.



3. Butters' Bottom Bitch

After Butters buys his first kiss for $5, he decides that since he's a man now, it's time to earn some money, and he independently thinks of the idea of becoming a pimp by setting up his own "kissing business". After discovering that pimping is a common thing, he attends a Pimp Convention, where he learns the ins and outs of the game, becoming a big time pimp in the process. I'd be Butters' bottom bitch any day.. do you know what I am saying?



2. Good Times With Weapons.
In one of the all-time great South Park episodes, a traveling fair comes to town, including a booth selling ninja weapons. After the boys pay a homeless man to buy the weapons for them, they set off about town having the type of ninja adventures 10 year old boys would have. Butters, feeling left out, dons his Professor Chaos mantle once again to do battle with the boys. After Professor Chaos defeats Stan, Kyle and Cartman in turn, Kenny throws a ninja star, which of course, hits Butters right in the eye. Wanting to avoid getting in trouble, the boys decide they can't take him to a human doctor, instead deciding to cover him in dog hair and send him to the vet, where the vet decides he has to be put down. Poor Butters.


1. A.W.E.S.O.M.-O

Cartman being Cartman, he decides he's going to play the best prank on Butters yet by dressing up like a robot and fooling Butters into thinking he's real. Butters being Butters, he buys it hook line and sinker. However, Cartman discovers that Butters has a videotape of Cartman dressed like Britney Spears making out with a Justin Timberlake cardboard cutout, and thus has to keep up the robot act while trying to find the tape. Butters ends up taking A.W.E.S.O.M.-O out to visit his aunt with him in L.A., where he sells hundreds of movie ideas, sending all the proceeds to charity, and singing one of the great South Park songs, "My Robot Friend". Poor Butters, he doesn't find out until Cartman inadvertently reveals himself through a poorly timed fart.. but he gets the last laugh by airing the tape for the entire school to air. Atta boy Butters.




Oh, here's a bonus Butters clip for your viewing pleasure: