First, as an aside - why in the hell are The Roots on Jimmy Fallon every night? They're way too talented to be associating with his goofy, unprofessional ass. If Jimmy Fallon was one of my friends (which would be impossible, since he's a little dipshit), he wouldn't even be considered a funny one.
Now that August is almost over and a solid chunk of the year's films are behind us, I'm going to rate what I believe to be the year's best releases thus far. One quick disclaimer.. I have yet to see or never saw "Up", "500 Days of Summer" (due to a medium-sized obsession with one zooey deschanel (the whole singing thing is uber hot), i would see the shit out of if i had a female to see it with.. so if you're female and in cincinnati and not into impish hipsters, hit me up. it's not exactly the type of movie you go see alone or with a couple of guys) or "Moon", all of which are supposed to be outstanding. At any rate, here is the 2009 top 5 as I see it, that is, only including movies that I have in fact seen. Here goes nothing.
5. Inglourious Basterds - 88% on RT, My Rating: 8
Few filmmakers in Hollywood are as controversial as Quentin Tarantino. Among my circle of movie-loving friends, opinions run the gamut from "hack" to "brilliant". While I'm more apt to fall into the latter category than many, I don't give him the credit that some fanboys are willing to. I love Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill 2, and am lukewarm about Jackie Brown, Kill Bill 1 and Death Proof. I went into Inglorious Basters with moderate expectations, I was expecting a violent, stylized death-fest along the lines of Kill Bill 1, with some fun characters and terrific dialogue. What I got was something completely different. There's violence, sure, but it really is an afterthought in a fun, non-linear mission movie with some awesome dialogue, memorable characters, beautiful shots and sets and terrific performances. This was one of my biggest cinematic surprises in some time. Some complain about Tarantino's pacing and lack of a tight script, I just sit back and enjoy the ride. Brad Pitt (who is displaying his underrated talent with every new role - for me, it's been evident since True Romance) is great, I particularly enjoyed the performances of Melanie Laurent (marry me, please), Christoph Waltz and Michael Fassbender as a french Jew hell-bent on revenge, an SS colonel known as the "Jew hunter" and a British operative. Pulp Fiction it is not, but it is a solid, solid piece of work that probably gets better on re-watching. All in all, I'd say Tarantino's take on the WW2 mission film was a rip-roaring success. He plays games with the language and subtitles (for instance, everytime someone says "oui" in french, the subtitles said "oui", which I got a big kick out of), and there's quite a lot of humor buried under a surprisingly powerful story. At times funny, revolting, sad and horrifying, this is really a very solid film. If I have a complaint, it's with the pacing... and that comes from the movie trying to do too much. There are too many characters getting too much time, and that detracts from what's really going on. There's a period of about an hour where you completely forget that the Basterds exist. That, and that alone is keeping this film away from the "9" territory, it attempts to do too much and falls short. However, I still thoroughly enjoyed it... even while nursing an atomic Hofbrau-induced hangover. If you like any of Tarantino's other work at all, you absolutely cannot miss Inglorious Basterds. I'd advise anyone to give it a chance, it's a lot of fun.
4. Public Enemies - 67% on RT, My Rating 8.6
It wasn't what people expected or wanted. And that's why I love it. Only Michael Mann would have the balls to make an $80 million art film with A-list talent. Michael Mann makes shoot-outs that should embarrass the rest of Hollywood... they are so goddamned awesome. This is one of those movies that I'm going to watch over and over.. I can tell already. A film about an American legend, by an American legend. This is an important piece of Americana. If you missed it on the big screen, I'm sorry for you. Don't go into it expecting the Untouchables or some shoot 'em up. Go into it expecting to find a quality character study, absolutely gorgeous shots and set design, and meander along for the ride. Its not a cheap beer that you chug down, it's a fine wine, savor it, for there aren't many people out there capable of making a film like this.
3. Star Trek - 95% on RT, My Rating 8.8
J.J. Abrams has huge balls. Not only did he put something like "LOST" on network TV, he had the balls to make a movie featuring Kirk, Spock and co. with completely unknown actors. Anytime you're dealing with a franchise as beloved as Star Trek, you've got to be careful, because the nerd mafiosi will rip you to shreds for any misstep. This film exceeded everyone's expectations, by a large margin. This is about as watchable as a movie can get. Far away the highest grossing entry into the Star Trek pantheon, no small feat when we're talking about a 12 film series. Really damn close to a perfect sci-fi/action movie, and it does so much more than re-boot the franchise... it re-invigorates it... leaving the star trek universe healthier than ever. The casting is inspired, and this one stacks up as probably the best of all the star trek pictures... I'm anxious as hell for the sequel, and will watch this on DVD at least 50 times.
2. District 9 - 89% on RT, My Score: 9
Now here is the surprise of the summer. a truly original film with a lot to say, that looks awesome. part mockumentary, part allegory, part action film, District 9 literally came out of nowhere and is an important entrant to the sci-fi pantheon. this really is one of the best films to come out in recent years. No one knew what to make of this one when the viral marketing and leaked stills first hit, but the excitement grew as the trailers were released. After the first reviews came out? Wow. This film manages to be an allegory of race and the human condition while simultaneously criticizing human greed, governments and multinational corporations, and having a compelling story that will keep you at the edge of your seat. The film feels completely real, and the first half hour or so is unreal in terms of just how authentic it really feels. When it ramps up into action mode, the effects are unbelievable, and put a lot of the high-cost blockbusters to shame. For me, the only thing holding this one back from all-time status is a completely unlikable lead character. I just didn't care about Wikus at all, and actually wanted him to die. But that's a minor critique, and probably had more to do with the South African doofus playing the character than the character himself, and in no way cheapens the importance of this film. At a time when everything is recycled and borrowed nonsense, a breath of fresh air like this is just what the doctor ordered.
1. The Hurt Locker - 98% on RT, My Score: 9.2
An incredibly visceral and powerful film about a new war for a new generation. This is the first film of value that's been made about the Iraq War, and its a great one. Basically a series of vignettes that only come together towards the end, this film manages, like all the best war movies, to say so much about war without passing judgment on it. The film is more about the human condition and what war does to the people involved than about this or that political persuasion or opinion. For that, is it all the more valuable and powerful. The biggest names in the film (Ralph Fiennes and Guy Pierce) are in it for all of... 15 minutes, and your mind will be blown by the unknowns occupying the rest of the time. It feels like a documentary, that's how real it is, and pencil this one in for director and best picture oscar noms right now. possibly acting nom for jeremy renner also. the cinematography is outstanding, intense, and makes you feel like you're there. this film is one that grows on me the more that i think about it... and i'm sure will only improve with time. if you live somewhere where its actually showing, stop wasting time and see this terrific picture.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
A Letter of Hate to Dayton, Ohio, and other such things.
Hello all, I have made my (not-so) triumphant return to the world of the internet. I apologize for the delay, some things popped up there. I'll try to post at least once a week from here on out, at least for the foreseeable future. blogging is an interesting thing... it will definitely get away from you if you aren't careful. it's like a yard or potted plant or something; if you take care of it, tend to it, apply fertilizer and water as needed, you'll have a healthy ass lawn plant. if however, you go away for a long weekend and forget about it... before you know it, your plant is dead and your lawn has taken on a life of its own and now looks like a setpiece from dances with wolves or the lion king and then it takes your whole weekend to mow the damn thing. (did i lose everyone with that ridiculously convoluted analogy yet?) so anyway, this post is my saturday afternoon that i spend hacking through 5 inch grass because i got lazy with my law, enjoy.
well, as many of you know, i took the bar at the end of july, and you may or may not be wondering how said exam went. well. i can't really say, honestly. i feel like i worked hard preparing myself for it (not as hard as i possibly could have, but i don't feel as though i was underprepared) but its just the nature of the beast that you really don't know what to make of the thing when you walk out of there. the #1 question is always "was it hard?".. and hard wouldn't be the adjective i'd use to sum up the creature that is the ohio bar exam. tricky would be. tricky and obscure. it's honestly not about knowing the law, because if that's all it was, the bar, quite frankly, would be rather easy, because knowing the law is pretty simple. it's about finding the most obscure, exceptions-to-exceptions nonsense to try and leave as many people behind as possible. is this the best way to conduct a test that determines whether or not someone should be admitted to the profession? probably not. but hey, why would anyone start listening to me now?
some thoughts: • Why is fighting such a bad thing? I mean, yes, I understand the need to keep the peace and all that, I'm not condoning reckless behavior, random violence or attacks. What I'm talking about is legally sanctioned bouts between two adults due to adequate provocation. For instance, lets say some below average individual was fucking up a relationship situation you might have going on. Is that adequate provocation? Absolutely, and this is grounds for a fight, from which no legal consequences can come, as long as the violence stays within normal fight parameters (i.e., no weapons, one on one, basically fight club rules). Lets look at a particular group of individuals as an example. I'm talking about "hipsters" in general, and diminutive, cowardly "men" specifically. These kids are running wild, they've been raised in an environment in which there are no consequences for acting like a complete dipshit. Call them the "jackass generation". Little kids who like to pretend like they are cool and "different" because they like the same things as each other. (isn't conformity with a certain set of cultural standards still conformity?) Why have these kids taken over bars, loft apartments and parks across the country? Because they were coddled and allowed to do whatever the hell they want while growing up, while allowed to talk trash and act like an idiot because physical retribution was forbidden. I'm just going to say this. Physical violence, in certain situations, is a good thing, and establishes a natural pecking order. For millenia, it was understood that certain acts would result in getting your ass beat. All of a sudden, in the past 20 years, we've decided that we know a better way to do things. Don't get me wrong, i'm not opposed to progress, but i am opposed to things that are bad and wrong. Taking away the consequences to certain anti-social behaviors is bad and wrong. It used to be, if you were a little twerp, you either learned how to fight, got some big friends, or you learned how to shut your mouth. Now? Everyone just runs their mouths, freely and openly, without any fear whatsoever. Is this a better outcome? I put that inquiry to you, and leave it to you.
• Want to hear something cool? I agreed to move in with a friend, sleeping on the pull-out couch, thinking that I'd be staying over with a certain female companion of mine a solid 4-5 nights a week, and so I would not in fact be sleeping on aforementioned pull-out couch every night. However, said female companion decided to take this opportunity to "dump" me via text message while I was out of town, and is now "dating" a "male" of below average size and intelligence. So now I'm single as shit and sleeping on a pull-out couch 7 nights a week. That'll make you feel like a titleholder. And really, having seen the kid, beating him up wouldn't even be satisfying. He'd have to combine with 3-4 of his undersized hipster friends like Voltron to even form a normal sized person. The best adjective to describe "him" would be "impish". He looks like someone that was forced to work in the circus as a youth, stunting his growth and causing him to cap out at the size of a normal 11 year old.
• Its good to know that I do in fact, have some morals and scruples left. For the past... ohhh, 5 years or so, "seeing Erin Andrews naked" was on my top 5 list of wishes. Now that I have, I feel creepy and dirty for watching the hotel video. It's kind of refreshing, actually, the knowledge that some morality exists. This is what Amish people feel like when they catch a glimpse of a thigh while taking a trip to town. while i tend to pride myself on being "enlightened" and unencumbered by the traditional scruples of polite society, it was actually refreshing to feel a pang of disgust. i feel like i'm going to go stone a couple of adulterers.
ok. now the meat of this badboy, the discussion of Dayton, OH, "Ohio's Taint", and its devastating effect on interstate commerce, culture, and the continuation of the union. I'm going to express my disdain via letter, an intimate medium.
Dear Dayton,
I'll never forgive the pain and suffering you've caused me through your combination of horrible urban planning, idiotic road design, non-sensical work projects and perpetual road repairs that evidently only make the roads in fact, worse. There is no possibility of any city in any western nation causing more of a disturbance to a major interstate thoroughfare while contributing less. Two weeks ago, I left Cincinnati heading to Fostoria, Ohio, a 177 mile trip. It took 77 minutes to travel 20 miles through the greater Dayton area. This would be understandable if you were in and of itself a destination or attraction. Sadly, you are neither, and indeed, are quite the opposite. Rather than a destination, you are home to a greater exodus than anywhere south of Detroit, and indeed serve as an obstacle to travelers far and wide. As a "city", you are the functional equivalent of a barricade and you serve as the shame of the entire interstate system, once the pride of the Western world. Within the perilous bends of your pathetic excuse for construction projects there is a 40 degree turn that requires all traffic slow to a speed of under 50 miles per hour. Needless to say, on a road as busy as I-75, that is never going to end well. This is simply inexcusable in a city of nothing but abandoned warehouses and factories. It is, plainly, time to embrace the fact that literally no one is trying to get to or from Dayton. People are merely trying to get THROUGH Dayton. You had a population of 260,000 in 1960 and a population of 155,000 in 2007, an impressive achievement in this day and age of burgeoning population. As a poster child of post-industrial waste, I propose that you do us all a favor and bulldoze blocks on end to make for a logical and adequate interstate passage. This entire letter is referring only to your pisspoor design and execution, and epic failure of your road system and repairs. I'm choosing to skirt the issue of your decline and fall into utter waste, and completely ignoring the fact that literally every single person from the Dayton area is vaguely overweight. So I guess, Dayton, I'm asking you to burn yourself down so that people can actually pass through your sorry excuse for a "place".
Thank you for your time,
A.B.
well, as many of you know, i took the bar at the end of july, and you may or may not be wondering how said exam went. well. i can't really say, honestly. i feel like i worked hard preparing myself for it (not as hard as i possibly could have, but i don't feel as though i was underprepared) but its just the nature of the beast that you really don't know what to make of the thing when you walk out of there. the #1 question is always "was it hard?".. and hard wouldn't be the adjective i'd use to sum up the creature that is the ohio bar exam. tricky would be. tricky and obscure. it's honestly not about knowing the law, because if that's all it was, the bar, quite frankly, would be rather easy, because knowing the law is pretty simple. it's about finding the most obscure, exceptions-to-exceptions nonsense to try and leave as many people behind as possible. is this the best way to conduct a test that determines whether or not someone should be admitted to the profession? probably not. but hey, why would anyone start listening to me now?
some thoughts: • Why is fighting such a bad thing? I mean, yes, I understand the need to keep the peace and all that, I'm not condoning reckless behavior, random violence or attacks. What I'm talking about is legally sanctioned bouts between two adults due to adequate provocation. For instance, lets say some below average individual was fucking up a relationship situation you might have going on. Is that adequate provocation? Absolutely, and this is grounds for a fight, from which no legal consequences can come, as long as the violence stays within normal fight parameters (i.e., no weapons, one on one, basically fight club rules). Lets look at a particular group of individuals as an example. I'm talking about "hipsters" in general, and diminutive, cowardly "men" specifically. These kids are running wild, they've been raised in an environment in which there are no consequences for acting like a complete dipshit. Call them the "jackass generation". Little kids who like to pretend like they are cool and "different" because they like the same things as each other. (isn't conformity with a certain set of cultural standards still conformity?) Why have these kids taken over bars, loft apartments and parks across the country? Because they were coddled and allowed to do whatever the hell they want while growing up, while allowed to talk trash and act like an idiot because physical retribution was forbidden. I'm just going to say this. Physical violence, in certain situations, is a good thing, and establishes a natural pecking order. For millenia, it was understood that certain acts would result in getting your ass beat. All of a sudden, in the past 20 years, we've decided that we know a better way to do things. Don't get me wrong, i'm not opposed to progress, but i am opposed to things that are bad and wrong. Taking away the consequences to certain anti-social behaviors is bad and wrong. It used to be, if you were a little twerp, you either learned how to fight, got some big friends, or you learned how to shut your mouth. Now? Everyone just runs their mouths, freely and openly, without any fear whatsoever. Is this a better outcome? I put that inquiry to you, and leave it to you.
• Want to hear something cool? I agreed to move in with a friend, sleeping on the pull-out couch, thinking that I'd be staying over with a certain female companion of mine a solid 4-5 nights a week, and so I would not in fact be sleeping on aforementioned pull-out couch every night. However, said female companion decided to take this opportunity to "dump" me via text message while I was out of town, and is now "dating" a "male" of below average size and intelligence. So now I'm single as shit and sleeping on a pull-out couch 7 nights a week. That'll make you feel like a titleholder. And really, having seen the kid, beating him up wouldn't even be satisfying. He'd have to combine with 3-4 of his undersized hipster friends like Voltron to even form a normal sized person. The best adjective to describe "him" would be "impish". He looks like someone that was forced to work in the circus as a youth, stunting his growth and causing him to cap out at the size of a normal 11 year old.
• Its good to know that I do in fact, have some morals and scruples left. For the past... ohhh, 5 years or so, "seeing Erin Andrews naked" was on my top 5 list of wishes. Now that I have, I feel creepy and dirty for watching the hotel video. It's kind of refreshing, actually, the knowledge that some morality exists. This is what Amish people feel like when they catch a glimpse of a thigh while taking a trip to town. while i tend to pride myself on being "enlightened" and unencumbered by the traditional scruples of polite society, it was actually refreshing to feel a pang of disgust. i feel like i'm going to go stone a couple of adulterers.
ok. now the meat of this badboy, the discussion of Dayton, OH, "Ohio's Taint", and its devastating effect on interstate commerce, culture, and the continuation of the union. I'm going to express my disdain via letter, an intimate medium.
Dear Dayton,
I'll never forgive the pain and suffering you've caused me through your combination of horrible urban planning, idiotic road design, non-sensical work projects and perpetual road repairs that evidently only make the roads in fact, worse. There is no possibility of any city in any western nation causing more of a disturbance to a major interstate thoroughfare while contributing less. Two weeks ago, I left Cincinnati heading to Fostoria, Ohio, a 177 mile trip. It took 77 minutes to travel 20 miles through the greater Dayton area. This would be understandable if you were in and of itself a destination or attraction. Sadly, you are neither, and indeed, are quite the opposite. Rather than a destination, you are home to a greater exodus than anywhere south of Detroit, and indeed serve as an obstacle to travelers far and wide. As a "city", you are the functional equivalent of a barricade and you serve as the shame of the entire interstate system, once the pride of the Western world. Within the perilous bends of your pathetic excuse for construction projects there is a 40 degree turn that requires all traffic slow to a speed of under 50 miles per hour. Needless to say, on a road as busy as I-75, that is never going to end well. This is simply inexcusable in a city of nothing but abandoned warehouses and factories. It is, plainly, time to embrace the fact that literally no one is trying to get to or from Dayton. People are merely trying to get THROUGH Dayton. You had a population of 260,000 in 1960 and a population of 155,000 in 2007, an impressive achievement in this day and age of burgeoning population. As a poster child of post-industrial waste, I propose that you do us all a favor and bulldoze blocks on end to make for a logical and adequate interstate passage. This entire letter is referring only to your pisspoor design and execution, and epic failure of your road system and repairs. I'm choosing to skirt the issue of your decline and fall into utter waste, and completely ignoring the fact that literally every single person from the Dayton area is vaguely overweight. So I guess, Dayton, I'm asking you to burn yourself down so that people can actually pass through your sorry excuse for a "place".
Thank you for your time,
A.B.
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