Life.

that "black" guy up there? Robert Downey Jr. i shit you not.

So here I am. i highly doubt anyone reads this anymore, and why would you given the erratic at best update schedule. which i apologize about, but i've had a lot of shit going on over here. so what is new with my life you ask? oh. well just the usual, you know, school sucks ass and law school is incredibly stressful, which non law students don't understand and it will inevitably lead to conflicts and problems in your relationships with non-law students. but hey, i knew all this going in, so whatever. we're balls deep in exams, yay! there's nothing like the feeling of having an entire semesters' worth of time and effort validated or rejected in the span of a 3 hour test, that's a really equitable and effective way to evaluate one's performance, and definitely the most efficient way to prepare people for the practice of law... oh wait, scratch that whole last sentence, b/c it's the most retarded thing i've ever heard of. so you know what's fun? when you entirely fuck something up that's really important to you, and really didn't mean to fuck it up, at all. that's just an awesome feeling. if you really want to make yourself feel like a million bucks, go ahead and try that on for size. so one exam down, 3 to go, still no job for the summer. oh what a joy. no one knows where the fuck my life is headed, and i'm not sure how i feel about that, at all. but... whatever, i guess i've always just kind of rolled with the punches, so why stop now? know what is badassed? newspeak. you know, george orwell, 1984, the whole idea that the government would simplify the language to stifle creative thought (it's kind of inadvertently happening as we speak, go check out your average 19-25 year old female who uses like as one of every 4 words or your average frat dude who thoroughly enjoys "dude, bro and fuck"), anyway, in newspeak, "bad" was "ungood", "excellent", "stupendous" and other such fancy words became things like "plusgood", and "doubleplusgood". anyway, it's just a cool fucking concept. plus, doubleplusgood is fun to say. try it. and suck my doubleplusgood cock while i avoid the thought police.

anyway, now that all of that is out of the way, let's talk about Iron Man. if you look down at my last post, which was sadly, some 3 months ago (i'm embarrassed, really), i definitely put in a little bit talking up iron man and the casting of mr. Robert Downey, Jr., who is absolutely brilliant. see Iron Man, seriously, it kicks ass, and hey, it actually felt like it was made for people over the age of 11, which certain super hero movies wouldn't know anything about (ahem, we're looking at you tobey mcguire), i mean, cartoony has its time and place, but really, these characters deserve better. but anyway, well done Marvel, well done. it's right up there with Batman Begins as my favorite super hero movie, and is a fitting tribute to one of the better characters in the marvel panthenon. however, the glaring detail of my viewing of Iron Man comes, unfortunately, not from the movie itself, but from the damn audience members, yet again. yes, i realize this issue was touched on in my last post, but dammit, this problem is endemic and must be addressed. so the theater over in newport has this thing where movies before noon on the weekends are $5. so i figure, screw it, nice theater, $5, set the alarm, head on over, enjoy a nice, quiet moviegoing experience, right? WRONG. first of all, evidently "Iron Man" was the #1 choice of all 20-somethings dragging around failure broods this weekend. the child to adult ratio had to be 3-1. i shit you not, at least one family wandered in, candy in tow (of course, kids just MUST have shit to rustle about with), with 7 kids and one fucking adult. its times like that that i become utterly convinced of the reality that there is no god, but i digress... so needless to say, children are running around the entire time, spilling shit, going to the bathroom, acting like general spazes and generally proving my point, that children should not be allowed out of the house until at least 12, for me. all of that was bad enough, but it paled in comparison to the hungry hungry hippo/illiterate mother of 5 behind me. it's bad enough that you somehow managed to get a man to have sex with you enough times to pop out those 4 demon spawns you drag around and publicly abuse, you also have to let the rest of us know exactly just how stupid you are. i mean, this lady(?) is sitting there exclaiming "ohhh" at every event, cheering on our protagonist during action scenes, and generally behaving as if she's at a sporting event, not a movie. where are these people from that they literally have no idea how to behave at a movie? it actually says in the lead up to the film "quiet please", but then again, i don't know who i'm kidding, since these people are always at least 10 minutes late and then make sure to sit in the 3 empty seats that you were enjoying having next to you until their belated entrance. god. i wish my fingers emitted mace.

this brings me to my next point... the issue of wastes of space breeding like wildfire while those that actually should be having children (see: those with IQs over 90), are being responsible and not squirting out kids that they can't afford and certainly can't care for, given their general inability to care for themselves. so lets talk about our society. can you just build a house anywhere? oh, no, you have to go get that approved by the city/township, whatever. once you have this house, can you just build anything you want in the yard? nope. you have to run that by the city too. can you just hop behind the wheel and figure shit out on your own? nope, you have to pass a test and get a license. can you just open up a business wherever the hell you want? nope. have to run that by the city too. so lets see here, the government cares if you build a house, build shit outside/around said house, drive a car, or open a business, but they don't care if you MAKE A FUCKING BABY!?!?! what the shit? tell me which fucking fantasy world that makes sense in? maybe a doubleplusgood one, but not this one. seriously, who/what causes the problems in this world? randomly built homes, or randomly built people? which one should the government care about, but doesn't? i'm not saying they should be able to control how many kids you have, or when, i'm just saying there should be some basic standards in place before you squirt out a munchkin. you can't just go around, fuck whoever, make a baby, and then let everyone else deal with the consequences of the fact that you aren't ready to be a parent, that's not fucking fair. so here's what we do. make everyone take birth control/use condoms (sorry catholics, god's probably fake anyway, let it go), and then make you apply for a VARIANCE (see the zoning analogy there?) to stop taking/using these contraception methods and have an approved pregnancy. like, we evaluate your psychological well being (likely excluding me), employment status, substance abuse status, etc., and then let you know if you're allowed to have a kid or not. if you're a crackhead who's whoring herself out for a high... sorry, no babies for you. if you're a 14 year old who wants to get pregnant to keep her boyfriend she's going to end up hating in 2 years anyway? sorry, no babies for you. i mean really, this can solve a lot of problems, just nip them in the bud. and of course, if someone has a baby without applying for this license, there's a penalty, maybe the state can take the baby, which they more than likely will anyway, or something of the like. what's the drawback here? granted, i know that not all children born to drug addicts, the severely impovershed, teenaged parents, the mentally ill, whatever are doomed to fail, but lets be honest, a cursory look at the foster children throughout this nation will overrepresent those groups by a significant margin. so why are certain groups, who are already inherently irresponsible allowed to take such a significant step without any intervention at any level? no one knows, it cannot rationally be explained. ergo, in the same way that you need a driver's license to drive a car, you need a parenting license to have a kid, we'll teach you all kinds of fun stuff like: don't rape them, change their diapers, don't shake a baby, give them their shots, and make sure you have the means and ability to adequately raise a child in today's society, and bam. you've got yourself a baby license, go knock yourself out sport. enacting this provision wholesale will greatly add to the enjoyment of future generations, take my word for it.

what else is new? oh, i know. glasses. i've posted since i've had them, but i haven't actually talked about them yet. so i've got glasses now, and i'm still not sure how i feel about them. everyone says "you should get contacts", but no, i refuse. i'm not fucking acknowledging the situation as permanent, this is a temporary stopgap until i have money and can pay to have my eyes fixed via star trek laser. that's the #1 thing i'm doing once i have money, #2 is fixing that tooth i chipped on a beer bottle. damn it, i'm falling apart. but anyway, they're totally screwing up my chi. those of you that know me will know that i thoroughly enjoy wearing hats. well, when the glasses are combined with a hat, i feel like i'm Matt Damon heading out to the grocery store and trying to avoid the paparazzi. but really, it's no big deal, i don't even really need them except to drive at night and read the board in class, and most people say they look good. so whatever, either they're lying, or they look good. either way, i'm ok with it.

so i honestly could not be more excited about The Dark Knight. i shit you not, Heath Ledger's suicidal (really) devotion to the Joker is going to give us (hopefully) the best movie villain of all time, and considering Batman Begins was already incredible, there's no possible way this movie is not going to be incredible. oh yeah, speaking of summer movies, check out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5xUx5GA4YU and you tell me how there's any possible way that people don't flip out over Robert Downey Jr. putting on blackface? i don't know, maybe people will be cool for once, but considering that the national newsmedia likes to act like college kids are bringing back apartheid when they throw a "pimps and hos" party, i don't see how there's any way that the do-gooder hypocrites in the national media don't make this out to be something it's not, but anyway, it looks hilarious, and any film that has the balls to try a stunt like that I'm behind, even if that glorious fucktard ben stiller is behind the whole thing. well, i like Zoolander, i'll give him another chance.

so anyway, that's all i've got. i should probably pretend to get back to schoolwork anyway. if you want to hire me, let me know, i'll work hard, show up every day, and won't fuck anything up, well except for my relationships, but hey. thanks.