death in the third world, tall tales of studying, general annoyances.

so this post is motivated by all the news over this Burmese (see: Myanmar) Cyclone that evidently killed something like 14 trillion people over the weekend. in case you don't know what a cyclone is, it's a hurricane, or at least a tropical depression just like a hurricane. i don't know what they're up to in the third world, but it's nothing good. i mean, anytime a disaster or accident strikes, just absurd amounts of deaths ensue. it pretty much goes at least 100-1 in terms of death toll. like, if a bus crashes in the US, 3 people will die. if a bus crashes in China/India/Africa, whatever, that number is something like 45 deaths. like, how is that even possible? it's like every day on the news something absurd happens in a far off place. "flood in Bangledesh, 16,000 dead, 45,000 homeless". "earthquake in Pakistan, 34,000 dead". perhaps the best examples are the infamous "ferry sinking" and "train derailing". you've seen the headlines as many times as i have, i'm sure... "ferry capsizes in Sri Lanka, 345 people feared dead", "train derails in Thailand, 452 feared dead". first... how do you fit 345 people on a ferry that is just capsizing in smooth waters? and second, how are they all dying? just swim, do the doggie paddle if you have to, you'll make it. it's mind boggling. i'm pretty sure that 345 people wouldn't die in the US if a ferry capsized on Lake Minnetonka in January, let alone some tropical lagoon. like, how is that even possible? and the train accident thing... i'm pretty sure that the vast majority of third-world trains are traveling no faster than 30 mph... how are they so lethal? i mean, if we really want to defeat the insurgencies in Iraq and Afghanistan, maybe we should provide them with 1960s-era bus/train/ferry transportation and watch the mayhem ensue. a flood here kills... i don't know, 15 people tops, right? an earthquake? maybe some old man's pacemaker stops so he dies. wildfires? the only people who die are the ones too stupid or stubborn to leave when they put the warnings on freaking CNN. but honestly, it's just bizarre. i mean, you can even take Katrina (on Wikipedia it says 1,800 people died from Katrina, but it also says 2 of these victims were in Ohio... and well, i don't know how that's even possible, so i'm refusing to credit Katrina with at least 2 of its supposed 1800 deaths.) and 9/11, easily two of the worst things to happen in recent history to a Western country, and those death totals combined are what? 5000 people? i'll even throw in the Iraq war, that takes us up to around 9,000, guess what, multiply that times 10, and you still are about 10,000 short of the cyclone death toll. that makes my brain hurt more than the last few episodes of lost and kind of just makes me want to curl up into the fetal position and whimper like i'm one of those puppies on that Sarah Mclaughan "angel" commercial. i just don't understand, someone explain it to me, please.

so ok, (as i slowly but surely build my readership up from the depths of nonexistance), but as i mentioned in my last post, we're currently all up in exams like nobody's business. which brings me to my general peeve about exams. well, not exams so much really, as the behavior of the students partaking in aforementioned exams. the "tall tales of studying" so to speak, are, in a word, absurd. like first, there's the whole "outlining" thing, which, if you don't know, is the practice, primarily done by law students, during which they convert their classnotes into outline form. typically, most students will then take this outline, and make a "mini-outline", in order to make things easier to find. here's my thought on the whole thing: first, outlining is a giant waste of time and is only necessary if your notes are a mess. if you keep your notes clear and concise in class instead of just transcribing word for word what comes out of the professor's mouth, then you won't have 90 pages of nonsense that it takes several days and a rosetta stone to work through in order to translate it into something that makes sense. take your notes in outline form, it kills two birds with one stone. then, people take this outline, and devote silly amounts of time to copiously devoting minor details to memory, often crafting elaborate super hypos that could only possibly occur in a legal "perfect storm" scenario, which then, of course, confuse said student, whoever they're studying with, and the whole class when the hypo is posed to and typically dismissed by the professor. nicely done. as horrible as all of this is, it all pales in comparison to the absolutely absurd time investments that everyone claims to have made to studying. "i studied for 9 hours friday, 11 saturday, and 12 yesterday" will be overheard on a monday. and, um, that means one of two things... either A.) you're like a master scholar and now qualified to write THE textbook on the subject. or B.) you're horrible at managing time, like me. just because you were up and on your computer for 9 hours doesn't mean you were STUDYING. you were probably facebook stalking people, watching youtube, reading ESPN/celebrity gossip sites (depending on your gender), whatever, but you weren't fucking studying, so stop the act. it's just silly.

now: just a couple of general annoyances that have sort of been rattling around for a while, and what the hell, now's as good a time as any to get them off my chest.

- driving/being around roads in cincinnati can be intense. one thing i've noticed is that red lights don't mean anything here. like, i've got to cross a decently busy street every day on my way to school. typically, when the light turns red, everyone stops, and you can safely cross. here, you'd better count to 5, and then cross, because chances are at least 2-3 people at every light think that the time when the light changes from yellow to red is not time to slow down and stop, but rather the time to gun it and have no qualms about running the shit out of a redlight. it's crazy. and that's just cars going straight, heaven forbid people turning left through a red light. there are times when you've got to wait half of the green light just to wait for the 3-4 cars that are inevitably on their way to clear the intersection. its absurd. stack up one more group of people that need to be sterilized at the very least, ideally, beaten with rods.

- how no one ever says anything about the level to which hillary clinton, barack obama, and john mccain are full of shit, hypocrites, and generally not good people. lets see, all of them ran for election to the united states senate, correct? they presumably made promises to their constituences (kind of like they are right now) about what they were going to do for this or that and blah blah blah. when was the last time any of them was an actual senator? like, as a US senator, you're one of the 130 or so most powerful people in the US (i figure that the pres and VP, high ranking cabinet posts, the speaker of the house and the supreme court trump them, but still) and those three buffoons are taking advantage of the trust placed in them by the people that elected them into office by doing what? never doing their jobs. nice work. it must be nice to have a position that pays $170,000 that you can DO NOTHING for and still get paid, especially when all three of you are already worth millions. so don't talk about "change", if you want to change, grow a conscience, quit playing it safe, and do the voters and taxpayers of america a service by resigning your senate seat like a classy individual with morals would do.

- another annoyance, why, when you publish a post, does it say the date you began working on the post rather than the actual publishing date? this says the 6th, which would be when i wrote the cyclone part, then i worked on the rest periodically through the week, only to finish it saturday. obnoxious.

- the use of "poop" in the media as if it's an actual word. "poop" is not a word unless you're fucking 5. twice this week i've seen stories with the word "poop" in the title on CNN. something about babies "dealing with the sleepless nights, the poop, blah blah blah" and something about puppies "puppies - the love, poop on your rug, and chewing your furniture", or whatever. ok, whatever, i understand the idea you're trying to get across, but saying "poop" is the equivalent of saying wee-wee. like, if you're an actual adult, you call the male member a cock, dick, or whatever slang term you prefer to use, purple-headed yogurt slinger, whatever. if you're a child, you call it a wee-wee or whatever the hell kids call it nowadays. in between, if you're a doctor, a reporter, someone using the term technically, you call it a penis. the same goes for "poop". if you're a child, you call it "poop", "poo-poo", whatever the fuck. if you're an adult who's not trying to impress anyone, it's shit. if you're a doctor or someone with a technical usage, it's feces/fecal matter, not fucking "poop". jesus. cnn, get a fucking handle on your writers.

- the democratic primary system. either way here, someone's getting screwed, and i find it hilarious that these are the same people that make a big stink about Gore winning the popular vote in 2000. lets see, if Obama wins, as he's likely going to do, he's going to be the Democratic nominee without winning California, New York, Texas, Florida (i know technically no one won florida, but do you really think he'd beat Hil there? it's like New York/Ohio jr.) Ohio or Pennsylvania. if hillary wins, she's going to do so without winning the popular vote, and thereby causing a big stink. and no matter who wins, the 20 million people that live in michigan and florida are getting fucked by having no votes at all. and this is the DEMOCRATIC party? christ. when other countries pull this shit we send troops in. fix the primary situation already, it's a freaking joke.

- ashton kutcher and generally "movies" like "what happens in vegas". how is this no talent asshat still getting work? what's his contribution to american cinema and popular culture? playing the "joey" character on "that 70's show"? great. great contribution. (note to self: travel back in time and prevent "that 70s show" from ever being made to spare the world of topher grace, ashton kutcher and wilber valderamma (sp?)) lets look at your body of work... "the butterfly effect". meh, mediocre at best. "dude, where's my car?" - dude, where's my gun? and then, oh, surprise surprise, 10 movies where he plays the same fucktard he's going to be playing in this shitfest that's destined to get a 1.2 on imdb. generally, i just hate, i mean loathe, i mean despise movies that are like this "what happens in vegas" fiasco. i mean, anyone with a positive iq can figure out exactly what's going to happen in the movie from the 30 second preview... and there isn't even anyone very funny in it, those shitty movies usually star matthew mccaughnehey. lets see, ashton and cameron go to vegas, get drunk, get married, realize it's a mistake and decide to get un-married, win $3 million, try to get/keep the money from each other, then realize they're perfect for each other and fall in love for real. awww... how sweet. oh wait, it sounds like something Awesome-O wrote, or maybe the Family Guy manatees. aren't these "films" usually right to DVD? and how'd they get Cameron Diaz to sign onto it? she actually has displayed flashes of talent at times... oh well, she must have a vibrator made of rolled up $20s at home.

- something that seriously annoys me and that i just have a general beef with is the absurd (over)use of the exclamation mark (!) by our generation. (disclaimer: i am not referring to appropriate use of "!", i.e., when its used as an EXCLAMATION, i am referring to the gratuitous and downright absurd usage that pervades popular culture today, as in "Well I can come there if you want!" - psh.) what's up with that? like, doing quite a bit of communication via the written/typed word, whether it be a text, email, IM, facebook message, whatever, i couldn't tell you how many times someone has typed something along the lines of "i haven't seen you in a while! how are things!" uhhh... why the unnecessary exclamation, and why the complete disregard/willful ignorance of proper english usage? am i trying to overhear you while we're going 90 with the top down? are you an overenergetic stereotypical sorority girl in a college comedy? or you know, me being something of a joker, i'll say something to someone, at which they'll reply "LOL!!!". um, ok, typically i save the the exclamation for special occasions, but alright... i guess. kind of weird and generally creepy, but alright. i guess your overenthusiasm isn't quite as creepy as your general outlook on the world and attitude towards everyone, now that i reflect on it. but no, seriously, do yourself a favor and browse through various facebook profiles and/or myspace pages, if that's your thing (although really, if you're big on myspace, go read someone else's blog, myspace is for people that 1.) went to technical school, 2.) are wanna-be rappers/producers, or 3.) are indie kids trying to "make it" by living the band dream. either way, i'll happily lose your readership) and just check out the use of the exclamation point. it blows my mind. like, i'd like to think i'd never use an exclamation point, but i guess if i was in a Sri Lanken ferry accident i'd exclaim "Someone save me, i'm the only person here who can swim!". honestly, there's only one phrase that truly deserves the full exclamation point treatment that i know of: "Not in every nook and cranny John!". but if you aren't a badassed former Republican Guardsman, seriously, lets save the unnecessary exclamation points, honestly. i can just imagine these kids writing horrible fucking papers growing up: "George Washington was the first president of the United States! He married Martha and had no kids!"... um, thanks there Billy, but removing that exclamation point makes you appear much less like the first monkey who learned to read and much more like someone who might someday finish a whole book, of words and sentences, paragraphs and maybe even "ideas" (although honestly, who am i kidding -- someone born after 1980 who can handle "ideas"? lets not get ahead of ourselves. and really, not to single out our generation, people have always been dumb, i'm just most intimately familiar with people aged 20-27 or so, so i feel most comfortable critiquing their general "culture", worldview and what not.) no less. really, an exclamation point adds nothing to the discourse whatsoever, besides making you appear to be an overeager fool, it connotes no added meaning and generally dumbs the whole thing down, particularly when used improperly, as it so often is and can be. i guess we're picking up on a general theme throughout this blog, and that's just the general degradation of the english language as a whole. its just a sad thing, this deterioration. haven't you ever noticed how much more fun it is to converse with someone who's well-spoken and articulate? i try to stick to general english as much as possible in my communication, whether they be messages, texts, IMs, you name it. you should too, otherwise you might be caught making a general douche of yourself, "I know, me too!". uhh, how about you turn down the intensity a couple of notches there champ and take a couple of plays off... you're about at a 14, we're going to need you to be at 6 or less, thanks a lot. i think about these things, and they trouble me. (i'm not even going to mention multiple "!!!"s, but lets just say that your douchey-ness increases exponentially as each "!" creeps into your exchange. so don't say you weren't forewarned).

Life.

that "black" guy up there? Robert Downey Jr. i shit you not.

So here I am. i highly doubt anyone reads this anymore, and why would you given the erratic at best update schedule. which i apologize about, but i've had a lot of shit going on over here. so what is new with my life you ask? oh. well just the usual, you know, school sucks ass and law school is incredibly stressful, which non law students don't understand and it will inevitably lead to conflicts and problems in your relationships with non-law students. but hey, i knew all this going in, so whatever. we're balls deep in exams, yay! there's nothing like the feeling of having an entire semesters' worth of time and effort validated or rejected in the span of a 3 hour test, that's a really equitable and effective way to evaluate one's performance, and definitely the most efficient way to prepare people for the practice of law... oh wait, scratch that whole last sentence, b/c it's the most retarded thing i've ever heard of. so you know what's fun? when you entirely fuck something up that's really important to you, and really didn't mean to fuck it up, at all. that's just an awesome feeling. if you really want to make yourself feel like a million bucks, go ahead and try that on for size. so one exam down, 3 to go, still no job for the summer. oh what a joy. no one knows where the fuck my life is headed, and i'm not sure how i feel about that, at all. but... whatever, i guess i've always just kind of rolled with the punches, so why stop now? know what is badassed? newspeak. you know, george orwell, 1984, the whole idea that the government would simplify the language to stifle creative thought (it's kind of inadvertently happening as we speak, go check out your average 19-25 year old female who uses like as one of every 4 words or your average frat dude who thoroughly enjoys "dude, bro and fuck"), anyway, in newspeak, "bad" was "ungood", "excellent", "stupendous" and other such fancy words became things like "plusgood", and "doubleplusgood". anyway, it's just a cool fucking concept. plus, doubleplusgood is fun to say. try it. and suck my doubleplusgood cock while i avoid the thought police.

anyway, now that all of that is out of the way, let's talk about Iron Man. if you look down at my last post, which was sadly, some 3 months ago (i'm embarrassed, really), i definitely put in a little bit talking up iron man and the casting of mr. Robert Downey, Jr., who is absolutely brilliant. see Iron Man, seriously, it kicks ass, and hey, it actually felt like it was made for people over the age of 11, which certain super hero movies wouldn't know anything about (ahem, we're looking at you tobey mcguire), i mean, cartoony has its time and place, but really, these characters deserve better. but anyway, well done Marvel, well done. it's right up there with Batman Begins as my favorite super hero movie, and is a fitting tribute to one of the better characters in the marvel panthenon. however, the glaring detail of my viewing of Iron Man comes, unfortunately, not from the movie itself, but from the damn audience members, yet again. yes, i realize this issue was touched on in my last post, but dammit, this problem is endemic and must be addressed. so the theater over in newport has this thing where movies before noon on the weekends are $5. so i figure, screw it, nice theater, $5, set the alarm, head on over, enjoy a nice, quiet moviegoing experience, right? WRONG. first of all, evidently "Iron Man" was the #1 choice of all 20-somethings dragging around failure broods this weekend. the child to adult ratio had to be 3-1. i shit you not, at least one family wandered in, candy in tow (of course, kids just MUST have shit to rustle about with), with 7 kids and one fucking adult. its times like that that i become utterly convinced of the reality that there is no god, but i digress... so needless to say, children are running around the entire time, spilling shit, going to the bathroom, acting like general spazes and generally proving my point, that children should not be allowed out of the house until at least 12, for me. all of that was bad enough, but it paled in comparison to the hungry hungry hippo/illiterate mother of 5 behind me. it's bad enough that you somehow managed to get a man to have sex with you enough times to pop out those 4 demon spawns you drag around and publicly abuse, you also have to let the rest of us know exactly just how stupid you are. i mean, this lady(?) is sitting there exclaiming "ohhh" at every event, cheering on our protagonist during action scenes, and generally behaving as if she's at a sporting event, not a movie. where are these people from that they literally have no idea how to behave at a movie? it actually says in the lead up to the film "quiet please", but then again, i don't know who i'm kidding, since these people are always at least 10 minutes late and then make sure to sit in the 3 empty seats that you were enjoying having next to you until their belated entrance. god. i wish my fingers emitted mace.

this brings me to my next point... the issue of wastes of space breeding like wildfire while those that actually should be having children (see: those with IQs over 90), are being responsible and not squirting out kids that they can't afford and certainly can't care for, given their general inability to care for themselves. so lets talk about our society. can you just build a house anywhere? oh, no, you have to go get that approved by the city/township, whatever. once you have this house, can you just build anything you want in the yard? nope. you have to run that by the city too. can you just hop behind the wheel and figure shit out on your own? nope, you have to pass a test and get a license. can you just open up a business wherever the hell you want? nope. have to run that by the city too. so lets see here, the government cares if you build a house, build shit outside/around said house, drive a car, or open a business, but they don't care if you MAKE A FUCKING BABY!?!?! what the shit? tell me which fucking fantasy world that makes sense in? maybe a doubleplusgood one, but not this one. seriously, who/what causes the problems in this world? randomly built homes, or randomly built people? which one should the government care about, but doesn't? i'm not saying they should be able to control how many kids you have, or when, i'm just saying there should be some basic standards in place before you squirt out a munchkin. you can't just go around, fuck whoever, make a baby, and then let everyone else deal with the consequences of the fact that you aren't ready to be a parent, that's not fucking fair. so here's what we do. make everyone take birth control/use condoms (sorry catholics, god's probably fake anyway, let it go), and then make you apply for a VARIANCE (see the zoning analogy there?) to stop taking/using these contraception methods and have an approved pregnancy. like, we evaluate your psychological well being (likely excluding me), employment status, substance abuse status, etc., and then let you know if you're allowed to have a kid or not. if you're a crackhead who's whoring herself out for a high... sorry, no babies for you. if you're a 14 year old who wants to get pregnant to keep her boyfriend she's going to end up hating in 2 years anyway? sorry, no babies for you. i mean really, this can solve a lot of problems, just nip them in the bud. and of course, if someone has a baby without applying for this license, there's a penalty, maybe the state can take the baby, which they more than likely will anyway, or something of the like. what's the drawback here? granted, i know that not all children born to drug addicts, the severely impovershed, teenaged parents, the mentally ill, whatever are doomed to fail, but lets be honest, a cursory look at the foster children throughout this nation will overrepresent those groups by a significant margin. so why are certain groups, who are already inherently irresponsible allowed to take such a significant step without any intervention at any level? no one knows, it cannot rationally be explained. ergo, in the same way that you need a driver's license to drive a car, you need a parenting license to have a kid, we'll teach you all kinds of fun stuff like: don't rape them, change their diapers, don't shake a baby, give them their shots, and make sure you have the means and ability to adequately raise a child in today's society, and bam. you've got yourself a baby license, go knock yourself out sport. enacting this provision wholesale will greatly add to the enjoyment of future generations, take my word for it.

what else is new? oh, i know. glasses. i've posted since i've had them, but i haven't actually talked about them yet. so i've got glasses now, and i'm still not sure how i feel about them. everyone says "you should get contacts", but no, i refuse. i'm not fucking acknowledging the situation as permanent, this is a temporary stopgap until i have money and can pay to have my eyes fixed via star trek laser. that's the #1 thing i'm doing once i have money, #2 is fixing that tooth i chipped on a beer bottle. damn it, i'm falling apart. but anyway, they're totally screwing up my chi. those of you that know me will know that i thoroughly enjoy wearing hats. well, when the glasses are combined with a hat, i feel like i'm Matt Damon heading out to the grocery store and trying to avoid the paparazzi. but really, it's no big deal, i don't even really need them except to drive at night and read the board in class, and most people say they look good. so whatever, either they're lying, or they look good. either way, i'm ok with it.

so i honestly could not be more excited about The Dark Knight. i shit you not, Heath Ledger's suicidal (really) devotion to the Joker is going to give us (hopefully) the best movie villain of all time, and considering Batman Begins was already incredible, there's no possible way this movie is not going to be incredible. oh yeah, speaking of summer movies, check out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5xUx5GA4YU and you tell me how there's any possible way that people don't flip out over Robert Downey Jr. putting on blackface? i don't know, maybe people will be cool for once, but considering that the national newsmedia likes to act like college kids are bringing back apartheid when they throw a "pimps and hos" party, i don't see how there's any way that the do-gooder hypocrites in the national media don't make this out to be something it's not, but anyway, it looks hilarious, and any film that has the balls to try a stunt like that I'm behind, even if that glorious fucktard ben stiller is behind the whole thing. well, i like Zoolander, i'll give him another chance.

so anyway, that's all i've got. i should probably pretend to get back to schoolwork anyway. if you want to hire me, let me know, i'll work hard, show up every day, and won't fuck anything up, well except for my relationships, but hey. thanks.