Let's be honest here, you can't REALLY go wrong with either choice here. You're either going to end up with an incredibly beautiful woman... or an incredibly beautiful woman, so first let's celebrate your great fortune at living in a dreamworld. Ok, now that that's out of the way, there are pro's and cons to each of these two goddesses. Kate Upton, physically, is unbelievable. BUT, I've heard interviews with her and she sounds like a complete and utter dolt. She IS 20 years old, so I suppose that's not entirely her fault.. but she's an idiot. Seems like a great time and undeniably beautiful, though. Mila Kunis, on the other hand, is 29, was born in Ukraine, and seems like a talented, funny, charming gal in pretty much everything I've ever seen or read on her. On the other hand, she DID date grown up zombie Macaulay Culkin for the better part of the decade, certainly a cause for concern. With all that being said - considering that the question itself specified that we weren't talking who would be cooler to hang out with, I'm going with Kate Upton. Sorry, Mila, I hope you don't hold it against me, but a simple google image search will solve this quandary for you...
D.O. Which was your favorite Police Academy and why?
After doing a little bit of research, I don't believe I've seen all of the Police Academy films. I've seen "Mission to Moscow", but I have no recollection of "Assignment Miami Beach" or "City Under Siege", which are evidently Police Academy 5 and 6. As such, my answer will be incomplete, but given that Police Academy 5 has a 3.8 on IMDB and PA 6 a 3.6, it doesn't sound like I'm missing a whole hell of a lot. With that caveat, I'd have to say that the original Police Academy is the one I most enjoy. It fits into the zany world of 80's comedies where these preposterous characters took on "the man" and came out on top in their own crazy way that seems to be the foundation of basically every comedy made from 1980-1990. It's silly, it's stupid, it makes no sense, it falls smack in the middle of when Steve Guttenberg was somehow a movie star, but it's a fun time. Police Academy 1 it is.
G.H. Which would you rather have between only being able to converse with others in song or get gushing nose bleeds every time you have sex? Only you are singing. No one else is involved, just you. And the nose bleeds start right before climax... you cannot plan or account for them in any way.
Dude, this is unarguably an awful choice. How did you come up with this? I think, unfortunately and tragically for that part of my life, I'll have to choose the nosebleeds during sex. Obviously that would put a damper on your sex life, but conversing in song would put a damper on everything, including sex. I feel like you could plan for the nosebleeds by stuffing up your nose pre-coitus... but being able to converse ONLY in song while the world goes on normally around you? Might as well move to the woods now, weirdo, because everyone's going to hate you. Nosebleeds during sex it is... maybe I'd join some chaste order of monks or something.
B.K. Who would you rather have as your QB at OSU, TP or Braxton? NFL need not apply.
I'm going to have to go with Braxton. Each player had pluses and minuses, but I think Braxton's combination of arm strength and elusiveness in the open field (he's a sophomore clap clap clap clap clap) gives him the edge. Pryor was a great improvisational Quarterback capable of breaking tackles in the pocket and taking on tacklers in the open field. However, he often was inaccurate with his throws and made some poor decisions. Braxton is pretty good with the ball, but tends to hold onto the ball far too long trying to make every play into a big play rather than taking what the defense gives him. Given Braxton's 2012 soph. season (better than anything Pryor put up) with a turd sandwich at WR, I'm going to take Brax. Even if he over dramatizes any injuries by pretending to be dead before re-entering the game with no ill effects.
D.O. which boxer did it take you the longest to figure out the pattern for on Mike Tyson's Punchout?
I always felt like Mr. Sandman was even harder than Tyson himself... mainly because he takes some work and patience to beat and you can't just pound away at him until he opens up the body. Don't go for the knockout too early or Mr. Sandman will eff you up.
J.H. At what age can a man most easily recover or rebound from a hangover? He feels like all hell at age eighteen, and he feels quite similar around age thirty. But somewhere in between he could brush it off and abuse his body for days on end with seemingly zero consequences. I'm not really sure how to best frame this question, but I think you know what I'm talking about and I'd love to hear your thoughts
From thinking back over the foggy haze of a solid 12 year span of copious alcohol consumption, I think the answer is age 20-21. At that age you've got several years of drinking experience in, but your body has likely not physically recoiled from the horrors you've inflicted on it by rejecting cheap liquors outright. (If I even smell Lady Bligh, Korski or El Toro...) Early on in your drinking career when you have no tolerance, it's not so much a hangover as it is still being drunk and not knowing how to adequately cope with such things. By age 20, you've had a few years of college life, but your body is still durable and young enough to bounce back relatively unscathed from extended abuse. This is the same age that you're able to go jog without stretching, play basketball for no reason and be able to walk the next day, and similarly inflict physical abuse on your body with an extremely short bounce-back time. By the time you're in your mid-20's, your body has begun the downward spiral where regular life takes its toll, let alone heavy drinking, and it's just downhill from there. I vote the 20ish month period from your 20th birthday until nearly your 22nd, the "Goldilocks Zone" of hangover avoidance where your body has adjusted well enough to the effects of alcohol but not yet begun its slow and inexorable decline.
AM: In the spirit of this excellent video from the 2011 Emmy's:
What is your dream television character crossover? What character, if introduced to a current or past show as the character they played on another show, would have the most awesome impact, either from a comedic or dramatic standpoint.
For example, put Tom Havingford on Game of Thrones and he's likely beheaded in minutes. Not effective. Put Ron Swanson on LOST and a) he'd go all Rose and Bernard and go live alone in the jungle and b) he would spend half his time telling people how full of shit they were. So kind of one note.
So who is it? Want to see Omar cross paths with Heisenberg? Jerry Seinfeld on Homeland? Pierce Hawthorne on the Cosby Show? THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER, SIR.
I have done a lot of thinking on this over the last week or so while limping through this poor effort of a mailbag. A LOT. Like, significantly more than I've thought about actually important and meaningful things. So know that my answer doesn't come from a flippant place. My answer for which character I'd like to see interjected onto another show is Pilot Walter White onto Pilot LOST. Here's why. Walter White is a man of great determination, skill, ingenuity and fortitude, who also happens to be a self-obsessed, arrogant SOB. Aka, a great addition to the Season One LOST crew. Imagine someone with Locke's determination but scientist skills. (And not like Jack, either, where he's supposedly a skilled surgeon but is also an idiot) He'd be able to greatly improve the life of the survivors - building a better radio, hacking Dharma tech, better explosives, medicines, a better raft, etc. - while also descending into his tyrannical, self-obsessed self as he became more and more confident and relied-upon by the other survivors. Rather than Jack vs Locke, we'd have Jack vs. Locke vs. Walter, with Walter being the most competent, dangerous, brilliant and manipulative of the three. Once the realities of the island and the Others sunk in, no one would be more brutally efficient and dangerous than Walter White. What would be amazing is him charming the other survivors only to lead them into darkness by totally lacking Jack and Locke's moral compass. So awesome. MAKE THIS HAPPEN, LINDELOF.
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